I haven't posted in any of my blogs for quite a while now. Had a bad case of writer's block. Today as I try to learn to sing Sugarland's Stay , it moved me to write something. I turn 33 a few months ago, but my life is still unchange, still single, still living with parents, still wondering if I'd ever find a guy to love me for who I am, with all my flaws.
Listening to this song made me cry, I think any woman would, the voice of the singer alone is that evocative, let alone what the song is saying. But as I kept on listening, I can't help but think to myself, that for now I don't mine sharing a man to love, 'cause I have come to that point I am lonely enough that I'll take any crumbs I could get. Just to have someone loves me at this point is enough, God, I never knew, I could be this pathetic.
But then again, I grew up watching mom shares dad with so many others. I once jokingly said to a friend that I don't mind sharing, as long as the guy don't lie to me. He can have any other girl and me along as long as he tells me. The friend ask me if I have no self worth, don't I value myself enough? But that is just it, I know my own strength that I know it is something I can live with, not that it won't hurt, it'll hurt, but I have waited so long, that I know if that compromise is needed I am ready to do it.
So, when I was growing up, dreaming up my prince charming, I'd never think that one day I'd be willing to consider a prince charming with a princess already in his arm!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009
I am 33
Thirty three I’ll be tomorrow,
Feels like I am still three,
Still daddy’s little girl,
Nothing change too much,
Had my heart broken,
Been in some rough and tumble,
But basically still that same
Silly girl I was,
Had problem letting go,
Stubborn as hell,
And a penchant for trouble.
God I wish I could change,
Have someone to love
And love me back
Nurture a life
And basically grow,
Hate being this cared for bonsai
Stunted and trying to grow
But can’t!
rya
6/9/09
4.28 pm
Feels like I am still three,
Still daddy’s little girl,
Nothing change too much,
Had my heart broken,
Been in some rough and tumble,
But basically still that same
Silly girl I was,
Had problem letting go,
Stubborn as hell,
And a penchant for trouble.
God I wish I could change,
Have someone to love
And love me back
Nurture a life
And basically grow,
Hate being this cared for bonsai
Stunted and trying to grow
But can’t!
rya
6/9/09
4.28 pm
Friday, July 24, 2009
I love You and I Miss You!
The first hello
Was polite and sweet
Our first conversation
Was stilted and awkward
But soon u were finishing my sentences
And I yours.
Never a day gone by
Without at least a hello, how are u doing?
And soon, an ‘I miss you,’
It was sweet while it lasted
Twin souls colliding in accidental
Universe coincidence,
But who would have thought that
Short good bye and see you again next week,
Turn to months of silence,
I didn’t even say goodbye,
Just told you to have fun and come back soon,
Will be missing you a bunch,
And now
What do I do
With my breaking heart?
Will you ever come back
And stop this aching pain?
rya,
24/07/09
5.00 pm
Was polite and sweet
Our first conversation
Was stilted and awkward
But soon u were finishing my sentences
And I yours.
Never a day gone by
Without at least a hello, how are u doing?
And soon, an ‘I miss you,’
It was sweet while it lasted
Twin souls colliding in accidental
Universe coincidence,
But who would have thought that
Short good bye and see you again next week,
Turn to months of silence,
I didn’t even say goodbye,
Just told you to have fun and come back soon,
Will be missing you a bunch,
And now
What do I do
With my breaking heart?
Will you ever come back
And stop this aching pain?
rya,
24/07/09
5.00 pm
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Missing
I don’t know what else I can say, I have written I miss you, I have asked around after you. Still there is no sign of you anywhere. I received invites from other people to join them every day, even close friends are wondering why I still stay with you, when you have been gone a while now.
God, where could you be?
What kind of trouble are you in?
I have been so worried about you, and I miss you so badly, I don’t know I could miss anyone this much. There are days, I can’t stop crying, just thinking about you. I can’t understand why you have become so important in my life. We have never met. We have never exchanged more than basic info, on your part at least, I have told you my life from A-Z I think.
But it hurts so much that you are not around. I dream of you, I think of you, and I cry because of you. Is this love?
Both my sisters think so, my brother thinks so, but I am trying to deny it, because in my hearts of heart, I know if I admit it, I’d be lost, I don’t think I can fight and soon I would give up and I don’t want to give up yet.
Oh, I pray to God every day for your return, for your safety, and I hope at least to get to hear you say goodbye. At least there will be closure. And I can move on, once and for all, rather than be in this limbo of not knowing.
God, where could you be?
What kind of trouble are you in?
I have been so worried about you, and I miss you so badly, I don’t know I could miss anyone this much. There are days, I can’t stop crying, just thinking about you. I can’t understand why you have become so important in my life. We have never met. We have never exchanged more than basic info, on your part at least, I have told you my life from A-Z I think.
But it hurts so much that you are not around. I dream of you, I think of you, and I cry because of you. Is this love?
Both my sisters think so, my brother thinks so, but I am trying to deny it, because in my hearts of heart, I know if I admit it, I’d be lost, I don’t think I can fight and soon I would give up and I don’t want to give up yet.
Oh, I pray to God every day for your return, for your safety, and I hope at least to get to hear you say goodbye. At least there will be closure. And I can move on, once and for all, rather than be in this limbo of not knowing.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Sad
I have been so sad lately. I have been without my happy juice for nearly a month now. God! I don't know what happened to him. He told us one day that he was going on a short holiday and will be back on Monday, and it has been 4 Mondays already and I haven't seen any sign of him. I have been so worried, and it seems he lost contact or been out of contact from everyone else also, even his friends.I miss him, and I have needed to talk to him so badly these past few days. God, you brought him to me, bring him back! I need...
On another point of sadness, yesterday I watch MJ's tribute and it made me cry especially when his daugther tearily spoke. He has always been one of my favourite and losing him affected me, I grew up listening and watching MJ and his songs has inspired me to be a better person. I hope he is at peace now, and is where he should be, I will miss him.
My tears has been well used up this past month, I hope I'll be smiling soon!
On another point of sadness, yesterday I watch MJ's tribute and it made me cry especially when his daugther tearily spoke. He has always been one of my favourite and losing him affected me, I grew up listening and watching MJ and his songs has inspired me to be a better person. I hope he is at peace now, and is where he should be, I will miss him.
My tears has been well used up this past month, I hope I'll be smiling soon!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
To my Oldest Best Friend
Today is father’s day, so I am going to talk about my oldest best friend, my beloved Daddy!
My daddy has always been a central figure for me, for some reason he makes me feel safe and loved always. Mum is there for comfort, for pampering, and for all the things that mothers do, which I have said in other posts. But Dad is for special things, it was dad who carried me all over our little village, upside down holding by my little ankles and me giggling having the time of my life, I was but a toddler then but I remember that view of looking at the world upside-down, I guess that is why I still view it upside-down.
It was with dad, I got all red, sunburned, following him fishing by the big muddy Pahang River.
It was with dad I learned how to turn a tight pipe with a little ingenuity, that started me on a lifelong mission of turning into little Ms Mcguyver.
It was dad who never ever picked me up when I fall, teaching me since young to stand on my own two feet and to get up on my own when I fall.
It was dad who told me to punch back the boy who punched me, so that no other boy could do that to me again ever.
It was dad that I turn to when I was confuse, it was him that I need comforting from when I am hurt, and when I falter in my journey it was dad I will look for.
He is everything to me, my daddy, my confidant, my best friend, my protector, my doctor, my counselor, my partner in crime (LOL) and each year as I watch him grow older I fear for the day that I will not have my dad by my side. I dread the day when I actually have to stand up again without him behind there watching me with pride in his eyes.
I LOVE YOU DADDY!
My daddy has always been a central figure for me, for some reason he makes me feel safe and loved always. Mum is there for comfort, for pampering, and for all the things that mothers do, which I have said in other posts. But Dad is for special things, it was dad who carried me all over our little village, upside down holding by my little ankles and me giggling having the time of my life, I was but a toddler then but I remember that view of looking at the world upside-down, I guess that is why I still view it upside-down.
It was with dad, I got all red, sunburned, following him fishing by the big muddy Pahang River.
It was with dad I learned how to turn a tight pipe with a little ingenuity, that started me on a lifelong mission of turning into little Ms Mcguyver.
It was dad who never ever picked me up when I fall, teaching me since young to stand on my own two feet and to get up on my own when I fall.
It was dad who told me to punch back the boy who punched me, so that no other boy could do that to me again ever.
It was dad that I turn to when I was confuse, it was him that I need comforting from when I am hurt, and when I falter in my journey it was dad I will look for.
He is everything to me, my daddy, my confidant, my best friend, my protector, my doctor, my counselor, my partner in crime (LOL) and each year as I watch him grow older I fear for the day that I will not have my dad by my side. I dread the day when I actually have to stand up again without him behind there watching me with pride in his eyes.
I LOVE YOU DADDY!
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Between 2 cities, in one Realm.
Ours is a funny story. We met in the funniest circumstances, well not met actually, more accurate to say gotten to know each other then. It was a Facebook application, a game played to pass the time. I was bored so messing around the applications trying to find something that interest me and I stumbled into a game called Knighthood, I was like, interesting, I always wanted to be a knight, maybe now I can pretend like Alana in Tamora Pierce series of that girl who pretended to be a boy so she could train to be a knight. Interestingly enough, when I applied, because I did not make my gender public in Facebook, I became a Knight instead of a Lady in the game. I was diligently following the tutorial and happily attacking other knights and ladies in the realm. Invited a lot of my friends and some of them applied, but the sweet thing is unlike other Facebook applications I get to used those friends that did not accept yet. So I was happily filling in my kingdom, playing Lord by putting my friends where I want them. Then I happily move on and logged out.
Three days later, I logged in back, remembered about the game I played and was eager to get back to it. Surprise, surprise, what I found was a kingdom in shambles, and an unfamiliar person writing a long message telling me what happened: -
Hello Lady,
Where exactly are you in Malaysia? I've been to KL before.
I am your liege now, Count Johannes. My team mate in war has just conquered you. We do that not only to get you as a vassal, but more so -- in order for you not to be conquered again & again and be sold to a dungeon player so powerful that you can't get out (abandon or rebel against). I am in peace mode, so you have the right & capacity to abandon me anytime you want. Meanwhile, you are safe with me.
Here's some VERY IMPORTANT reminders for you to know:
INFO 1: When you build the GARRISON and recruited MORE THAN FOUR friends as your vassals (your squires/handmaidens, ladies/knights there), the game PUTS YOU INTO WAR -- where opponents can attack you, seize your vassals, raid for your gold, etc. Of course you can do the same to your opponents.
INFO 2: The game is horribly funny such that newbies like you MUST GO TO WAR. Because building garrison is
needed in order for other structures to appear and be built. And of course, you need enough vassals in your
kingdom to work for you as builders. But ironically, newbies are clueless about their first war and don't
know what to do. Worse, their gold are looted, their vassals are oftentimes seized, especially those
vassals who installed the KH app and turned into Knights/Ladies.
INFO 3: The game however, allows you to be in peace mode, too -- where you can recruit friends and grow your kingdom safely. We shall put your kingdom into TRANSITION from WAR MODE (WM) TO PEACE MODE (PM). Please do this as soon as you can.
Here's how:
1) Hover or point your mouse to capital tab.
2) Click garrison.
3) You will see the 'disband your armies' tab, click it.
4) Confirm it by clicking 'yes, disband armies'.
5) You will see then the 24-hour timer. It means disbanding armies takes 24 hour to complete the transition.After 24-hours, you'll see your crown with rank and having a green olive leaf.
MY TEAM AND I WILL BE HAPPY TO HELP YOU GROW YOUR KINGDOM AND INCREASE YOUR KNOWLEDGE IN THE GAME.
See yah. And be safe there.
Cn Johannes
So there I was staring at this stranger’s black and white photo, a young looking man, handsome to boot, and trying to digest what he is telling me. So hesitantly I replied his long message that it took him two wall to write, and I said,
Count Johannes,
Thanks for all the info. I stumbled onto this game and had no idea what it was about.
I am in Puchong. Where are you from if you don't mind me asking?
Once again thank you.
So that was the beginning of our strange friendship. We started exchanging messages day by day and sometimes more than once a day and get to know each other and all in the premise of the game. I don’t know whether I was starved for attention or there is something really special about him that made me so comfortable telling him almost everything about my life, the thing is it was not quid pro quo, he barely tells me anything apart from game info and anything I find out I have to ask and to be sure, I hate to ask. So why then I feel like I know him, and that we are kindred soul, I have no idea, but all the messages make me feel like we are alike in so many levels, and slowly he became important to me. My sister teases me saying that I am falling in love, but I told her, It is not love, well not in a romantic sense, I love him, but more like a friend, a close friend, or better yet, a best friend, I have never had this kind of connection with anyone before apart from my family. I have a lot of friends, but no one has understood me like him before. Whatever I do, he seems to know where I am coming from, sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself.
It is not always rosy between us, he has a temper and I do too, we have come to blows a few times, and both of us yelling, CAPS flying in the messages. But he always know to follow all his scolding with a sweet message, of course after I said sorry first, well usually it is my fault, and then all his obnoxiousness in the messages, and my stupid outbursts, is forgiven if not forgotten. It came to a point that I had to confess that I have an obsession, and my obsession is not the game but him. I craved his messages every day, and only his messages make me happy, my sister call it my happy juice, well after being depress for so long it was nice to look forward to something. I know I was disturbing him, I know I should stop, and it came to a point where I was going to give up, leave the game, and go cold turkey, no more messages, no more happy juice, but he stopped me, telling me I am being childish and to stop whatever I was doing and continue to play the game like I should. I heard him, for the first time, I followed what I was told from someone else apart from my dad, to be honest I have never been good at following orders, I only listen to my dad and according to dad, that is about half of the time. So I asked Johannes why he thinks I listen to him, and he said simply because I care what others feel and I listened. Hmm, how sweet is that?
So ours was a friendship based on messages exchanged online, we have never met each other, we live in two different cities, two different countries even, separated by an ocean and so many other things but being in one fantasy realm has brought us a connection that is so weird that I am still wondering what kind of friendship is this? But I have told him a million times, if I had known him in real life I would consider him my bestest best friend!
Three days later, I logged in back, remembered about the game I played and was eager to get back to it. Surprise, surprise, what I found was a kingdom in shambles, and an unfamiliar person writing a long message telling me what happened: -
Hello Lady,
Where exactly are you in Malaysia? I've been to KL before.
I am your liege now, Count Johannes. My team mate in war has just conquered you. We do that not only to get you as a vassal, but more so -- in order for you not to be conquered again & again and be sold to a dungeon player so powerful that you can't get out (abandon or rebel against). I am in peace mode, so you have the right & capacity to abandon me anytime you want. Meanwhile, you are safe with me.
Here's some VERY IMPORTANT reminders for you to know:
INFO 1: When you build the GARRISON and recruited MORE THAN FOUR friends as your vassals (your squires/handmaidens, ladies/knights there), the game PUTS YOU INTO WAR -- where opponents can attack you, seize your vassals, raid for your gold, etc. Of course you can do the same to your opponents.
INFO 2: The game is horribly funny such that newbies like you MUST GO TO WAR. Because building garrison is
needed in order for other structures to appear and be built. And of course, you need enough vassals in your
kingdom to work for you as builders. But ironically, newbies are clueless about their first war and don't
know what to do. Worse, their gold are looted, their vassals are oftentimes seized, especially those
vassals who installed the KH app and turned into Knights/Ladies.
INFO 3: The game however, allows you to be in peace mode, too -- where you can recruit friends and grow your kingdom safely. We shall put your kingdom into TRANSITION from WAR MODE (WM) TO PEACE MODE (PM). Please do this as soon as you can.
Here's how:
1) Hover or point your mouse to capital tab.
2) Click garrison.
3) You will see the 'disband your armies' tab, click it.
4) Confirm it by clicking 'yes, disband armies'.
5) You will see then the 24-hour timer. It means disbanding armies takes 24 hour to complete the transition.After 24-hours, you'll see your crown with rank and having a green olive leaf.
MY TEAM AND I WILL BE HAPPY TO HELP YOU GROW YOUR KINGDOM AND INCREASE YOUR KNOWLEDGE IN THE GAME.
See yah. And be safe there.
Cn Johannes
So there I was staring at this stranger’s black and white photo, a young looking man, handsome to boot, and trying to digest what he is telling me. So hesitantly I replied his long message that it took him two wall to write, and I said,
Count Johannes,
Thanks for all the info. I stumbled onto this game and had no idea what it was about.
I am in Puchong. Where are you from if you don't mind me asking?
Once again thank you.
So that was the beginning of our strange friendship. We started exchanging messages day by day and sometimes more than once a day and get to know each other and all in the premise of the game. I don’t know whether I was starved for attention or there is something really special about him that made me so comfortable telling him almost everything about my life, the thing is it was not quid pro quo, he barely tells me anything apart from game info and anything I find out I have to ask and to be sure, I hate to ask. So why then I feel like I know him, and that we are kindred soul, I have no idea, but all the messages make me feel like we are alike in so many levels, and slowly he became important to me. My sister teases me saying that I am falling in love, but I told her, It is not love, well not in a romantic sense, I love him, but more like a friend, a close friend, or better yet, a best friend, I have never had this kind of connection with anyone before apart from my family. I have a lot of friends, but no one has understood me like him before. Whatever I do, he seems to know where I am coming from, sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself.
It is not always rosy between us, he has a temper and I do too, we have come to blows a few times, and both of us yelling, CAPS flying in the messages. But he always know to follow all his scolding with a sweet message, of course after I said sorry first, well usually it is my fault, and then all his obnoxiousness in the messages, and my stupid outbursts, is forgiven if not forgotten. It came to a point that I had to confess that I have an obsession, and my obsession is not the game but him. I craved his messages every day, and only his messages make me happy, my sister call it my happy juice, well after being depress for so long it was nice to look forward to something. I know I was disturbing him, I know I should stop, and it came to a point where I was going to give up, leave the game, and go cold turkey, no more messages, no more happy juice, but he stopped me, telling me I am being childish and to stop whatever I was doing and continue to play the game like I should. I heard him, for the first time, I followed what I was told from someone else apart from my dad, to be honest I have never been good at following orders, I only listen to my dad and according to dad, that is about half of the time. So I asked Johannes why he thinks I listen to him, and he said simply because I care what others feel and I listened. Hmm, how sweet is that?
So ours was a friendship based on messages exchanged online, we have never met each other, we live in two different cities, two different countries even, separated by an ocean and so many other things but being in one fantasy realm has brought us a connection that is so weird that I am still wondering what kind of friendship is this? But I have told him a million times, if I had known him in real life I would consider him my bestest best friend!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
My sister's KH experience
Since i have written something long on my KH threads. I might as well share it here, and let my friends see what I have been up too and why the should join me in the fun and accept my KH Invite.
Here is a story I was telling on KH forum thread:
This is my second attempt of telling this story I had one all nice and done and then when I previewed it disappeared. That teaches me to write straight into the box, now this one is going to be in words and save before I do anything.
I have a story about my sister’s experience at a bungled negotiation last night.
My sister is being taught how to war by me, through my liege, meaning he tutors me and I tutor her. She is facing a tough learning curve, and has made a few beginner’s mistake, which causes me headache and heartache of which I passed on to my liege. So this time round after learning from her mistake, my sister is ready again to try to seize 2 p20s and keep them for the whole 3 days. She has been having problem keeping both, for some reason or other one of her timer will get seized upon and mostly from knights with at least 1 or 2 MAAs. So this time she was determined to be successful at keeping this two p20s.
What happened was around 4 or 5 in the evening she received a message from a Marquis, which she forwarded to me saying:
knight Pantelis is taken from a newbie of my liege line, so what do you want for it,
So she sent back a reply, not direct quote because the guy has deleted her message:
Anything really, I am new and learning wm, and I am just trying to learn how to defend 2 p20s on timer. What do you want to give?
She waited but no response, so she went and message again:
I have to ask my liege of course, but what is ur offer so I can tell her.
After an hour still no reply, so she sent a final one:
So what is your offer?
When still no response she takes it to mean they were not interested, so she went on to see how her kingdom is being attacked left and right, I think she finished her healing gold after the 2nd hour, since the night she seized the 2nd p20 and entered the lively AB she was constantly hit, but her alarm was buggy, it has not risen from last night till her p20 was seized, it stayed at a constant 2, after she tried moving her vassal in and out of her OP.
So it was a surprised then to receive a call from my sister around 10 at night saying her knights has been seized by a knight with 2 MAAs and that knight belong to the same alliance of the aforementioned Marquis. So she said she checked the Marquis out and found out that all 3 of her messages have been deleted. She was angry so she sent a message and did not make it private, it has been deleted too.
So the gist of her message is:
That was very nice of you. I thought you wanted your knight back, honorably, by negotiating. I told you I would have given him back for practically nothing. And then to send a knight of your alliance with 2 MAAs to attack a lady to seize your knight back. If you want to do it that way, why bother pretending to be a gentleman and ask nicely first. NEXT TIME ATTACK ME RIGHT AWAY AND COME AND GET IT YOURSELF! THANK YOU FOR THE LESSON!
So it was no surprise when I woke up this morning I received a message on my board from this Marquis:
My vassals got a knight from Lady Yasleh that belonged to a newbie in my liege line, because she asked for help from the alliance, even though i got in touch with your Lady, i just came on line and saw it on my post, I'm sending 40k gold for your Lady Yasleh with mu apologies, but that's how my Alliance work, once somebody is in
problem everybody help, this is the link to my alliance http://knight.fb.hive7.com/AllianceView.aspx?AllianceId=445 you can join without need to leave your liege if you want of course you can leave the Alliance anytime you want since you don't belong to any member of the alliance, you just click on the abandon command.
So I sent him a very nice message back, saved it just in case he deletes:
Yes my sister told me about it. I am sorry if she said anything rash, coz she told me she wrote you, knowing my sister it will be something instinctive and angry, forgive her, she has affective schizophrenia, so she is very emotional, this is not the first knight on timer that she has lost i recent weeks. She is just learning WM and I use it as therapy for her ever-changing emotions. I will pass the gold to her once she is in PM. Thank you again, and please keep better reign on your alliance member eh, coz my sister and I were both waiting for your reply, if she had ignored your message then it would have been understandable, but she did not, to my understanding she sent 3 messages which you claimed was note read, but when she checked was deleted. So well, everything's well that went well,
Don't you think the usual going rate is like 75% of the market place, I know my sister would have accepted anything from you but she would have gotten 147 k for the knight when she sells him and 40k is just a little short. I am not saying anything, just a comment! You do what you think is right!
Viscountess Yasleh
And then I told my sister to check her board whether she received any message too, she did on in private and one an open message:
1) just send 40k to your liege, sorry but that's how it works in my alliance once somebody in problem everybody help, i was not on line and the members did not know that we have talk, because i left for work, this is the link to my alliance http://knight.fb.hive7.com/AllianceView.aspx?AllianceId=445 have a nice weekend and good hunting
2) Oh, and i will wait for your apologies for the message on my wall
So she nicely responded, and this time she saved it and forwarded it to me:
1) Well, I am sorry if i was a little harsh, I was not rude was I. How would you react after saying you don't mind really, anything that you want to give is ok since it is an exercise set by my liege, then waited for hours for a reply to have someone who is obviously from your side using the unfair advantage of not one but two MAA on a lady with 9ix SQs and a knight to seize on negotiated knight. If it is the way your alliance work, you should have left word that negotiation was underway and to hold off rescue/seize attempts on your say so (well that is what I would have done).
I am sorry if you consider my message uncouth, but please understand this is like the third knight seized from me before their timer runs out, the first 2 was a mistake on my part for not understanding my liege and grand liege's instruction, but this time I thought I had done everything right.
PS please tell your newbies to protect their p20s better, because it wasn't really hard to seize, Please keep in mind my AAS was just 45, and it was really easy breaking her wall defense. JUST A THOUGHT!
Thank you for the way you have responded. You have shown that you are a gentleman after all.
Lady Yasleh.
2) I apologize for my angry outburst if you consider it that, but i would not apologize for the spirit of the message! I checked, you deleted my earlier messages so saying you did not know what your alliance is doing is just plain a lie. Well I might look naive but...
Anyway thank you.
So that is my long story for the day. What do you think?
1) Was my sister’s message on the attack harsh?
2) Did she really need to apologize for it?
3) Don’t you think the marquis is trying to pull wool over our eyes claiming innocence of his alliance member’s action?
4) Is 40k a decent recompense?
Here is a story I was telling on KH forum thread:
This is my second attempt of telling this story I had one all nice and done and then when I previewed it disappeared. That teaches me to write straight into the box, now this one is going to be in words and save before I do anything.
I have a story about my sister’s experience at a bungled negotiation last night.
My sister is being taught how to war by me, through my liege, meaning he tutors me and I tutor her. She is facing a tough learning curve, and has made a few beginner’s mistake, which causes me headache and heartache of which I passed on to my liege. So this time round after learning from her mistake, my sister is ready again to try to seize 2 p20s and keep them for the whole 3 days. She has been having problem keeping both, for some reason or other one of her timer will get seized upon and mostly from knights with at least 1 or 2 MAAs. So this time she was determined to be successful at keeping this two p20s.
What happened was around 4 or 5 in the evening she received a message from a Marquis, which she forwarded to me saying:
knight Pantelis is taken from a newbie of my liege line, so what do you want for it,
So she sent back a reply, not direct quote because the guy has deleted her message:
Anything really, I am new and learning wm, and I am just trying to learn how to defend 2 p20s on timer. What do you want to give?
She waited but no response, so she went and message again:
I have to ask my liege of course, but what is ur offer so I can tell her.
After an hour still no reply, so she sent a final one:
So what is your offer?
When still no response she takes it to mean they were not interested, so she went on to see how her kingdom is being attacked left and right, I think she finished her healing gold after the 2nd hour, since the night she seized the 2nd p20 and entered the lively AB she was constantly hit, but her alarm was buggy, it has not risen from last night till her p20 was seized, it stayed at a constant 2, after she tried moving her vassal in and out of her OP.
So it was a surprised then to receive a call from my sister around 10 at night saying her knights has been seized by a knight with 2 MAAs and that knight belong to the same alliance of the aforementioned Marquis. So she said she checked the Marquis out and found out that all 3 of her messages have been deleted. She was angry so she sent a message and did not make it private, it has been deleted too.
So the gist of her message is:
That was very nice of you. I thought you wanted your knight back, honorably, by negotiating. I told you I would have given him back for practically nothing. And then to send a knight of your alliance with 2 MAAs to attack a lady to seize your knight back. If you want to do it that way, why bother pretending to be a gentleman and ask nicely first. NEXT TIME ATTACK ME RIGHT AWAY AND COME AND GET IT YOURSELF! THANK YOU FOR THE LESSON!
So it was no surprise when I woke up this morning I received a message on my board from this Marquis:
My vassals got a knight from Lady Yasleh that belonged to a newbie in my liege line, because she asked for help from the alliance, even though i got in touch with your Lady, i just came on line and saw it on my post, I'm sending 40k gold for your Lady Yasleh with mu apologies, but that's how my Alliance work, once somebody is in
problem everybody help, this is the link to my alliance http://knight.fb.hive7.com/AllianceView.aspx?AllianceId=445 you can join without need to leave your liege if you want of course you can leave the Alliance anytime you want since you don't belong to any member of the alliance, you just click on the abandon command.
So I sent him a very nice message back, saved it just in case he deletes:
Yes my sister told me about it. I am sorry if she said anything rash, coz she told me she wrote you, knowing my sister it will be something instinctive and angry, forgive her, she has affective schizophrenia, so she is very emotional, this is not the first knight on timer that she has lost i recent weeks. She is just learning WM and I use it as therapy for her ever-changing emotions. I will pass the gold to her once she is in PM. Thank you again, and please keep better reign on your alliance member eh, coz my sister and I were both waiting for your reply, if she had ignored your message then it would have been understandable, but she did not, to my understanding she sent 3 messages which you claimed was note read, but when she checked was deleted. So well, everything's well that went well,
Don't you think the usual going rate is like 75% of the market place, I know my sister would have accepted anything from you but she would have gotten 147 k for the knight when she sells him and 40k is just a little short. I am not saying anything, just a comment! You do what you think is right!
Viscountess Yasleh
And then I told my sister to check her board whether she received any message too, she did on in private and one an open message:
1) just send 40k to your liege, sorry but that's how it works in my alliance once somebody in problem everybody help, i was not on line and the members did not know that we have talk, because i left for work, this is the link to my alliance http://knight.fb.hive7.com/AllianceView.aspx?AllianceId=445 have a nice weekend and good hunting
2) Oh, and i will wait for your apologies for the message on my wall
So she nicely responded, and this time she saved it and forwarded it to me:
1) Well, I am sorry if i was a little harsh, I was not rude was I. How would you react after saying you don't mind really, anything that you want to give is ok since it is an exercise set by my liege, then waited for hours for a reply to have someone who is obviously from your side using the unfair advantage of not one but two MAA on a lady with 9ix SQs and a knight to seize on negotiated knight. If it is the way your alliance work, you should have left word that negotiation was underway and to hold off rescue/seize attempts on your say so (well that is what I would have done).
I am sorry if you consider my message uncouth, but please understand this is like the third knight seized from me before their timer runs out, the first 2 was a mistake on my part for not understanding my liege and grand liege's instruction, but this time I thought I had done everything right.
PS please tell your newbies to protect their p20s better, because it wasn't really hard to seize, Please keep in mind my AAS was just 45, and it was really easy breaking her wall defense. JUST A THOUGHT!
Thank you for the way you have responded. You have shown that you are a gentleman after all.
Lady Yasleh.
2) I apologize for my angry outburst if you consider it that, but i would not apologize for the spirit of the message! I checked, you deleted my earlier messages so saying you did not know what your alliance is doing is just plain a lie. Well I might look naive but...
Anyway thank you.
So that is my long story for the day. What do you think?
1) Was my sister’s message on the attack harsh?
2) Did she really need to apologize for it?
3) Don’t you think the marquis is trying to pull wool over our eyes claiming innocence of his alliance member’s action?
4) Is 40k a decent recompense?
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Lonely Three Days
I am going to be practically alone, from tomorrow until Saturday evening. It will be just Mummy and me at home. WEEEEEEE! I'll have the PC to myself. Mummy is sleeping 24/7 now, fewh, her relapse is not long this time.
Why will I be alone? Well Adik and Daddy went to Perak to attend a wedding, they'll be gone til Sunday, Abang is going on a school trip to Cameron Highlands, he'll be back Saturday evening. I'll miss him.
So what can I do to fill my time eh? I know someone will tell me not to spend too much time online, but I get bored easily nowadays, what else can I do?
I am actually quite sleepy now, I have been waking up at 4.00 a.m. every day just so I could get first dip on the PC. Sick eh?
Well I can always grab a power nap and then spend all night again playing.
LOL
Why will I be alone? Well Adik and Daddy went to Perak to attend a wedding, they'll be gone til Sunday, Abang is going on a school trip to Cameron Highlands, he'll be back Saturday evening. I'll miss him.
So what can I do to fill my time eh? I know someone will tell me not to spend too much time online, but I get bored easily nowadays, what else can I do?
I am actually quite sleepy now, I have been waking up at 4.00 a.m. every day just so I could get first dip on the PC. Sick eh?
Well I can always grab a power nap and then spend all night again playing.
LOL
Hot Pic?
My friend ask the other day, that I regularly update this blog. Well dear, you know how it is, there are days the juices just run dry and you can't write stuff. Unlike my dad, I could not easily find muses. I wish I could though. Then it'll be so easy. Maybe I should open a myspace and search for my own muse, hmmm, that will never work, despite a few friends who keep telling me I look hot!
What do you think? I am currently using this pic for my profile
Whatever site I use it on, a lot of men have commented that it looks hot! I don't think so. I just thought it looks kinda sweet. Got to thank dad for it too. He took it on my 30 Birthaday, and INFO I was looking at my b'day cake, note anything else. I just got back from a long day at work, that is why the kebaya and everything, and just shaken my hair out of its bun. So what do you think, if I use thi pic for my profile pic in MySpace, would I get any muses with it? ;)
What do you think? I am currently using this pic for my profile
Whatever site I use it on, a lot of men have commented that it looks hot! I don't think so. I just thought it looks kinda sweet. Got to thank dad for it too. He took it on my 30 Birthaday, and INFO I was looking at my b'day cake, note anything else. I just got back from a long day at work, that is why the kebaya and everything, and just shaken my hair out of its bun. So what do you think, if I use thi pic for my profile pic in MySpace, would I get any muses with it? ;)
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
The Dark Clouds are Moving Away!!!!!
A long time without any story, yes I have been busy. I am glad to report I am almost over my depression. I have found a new lease on life and I am glad to report that I have begun to see my way out of the darkness that has been my companion for so long.
What has finally brought me out of my despair? Well those who know me well will not be surprised by this revelation. The answer my friends – it’s a game. Before this whenever depression hit me I have always been able to keep it at bay by reading that is why I always have a book by my side, it is my medication, the one denied me when Daddy decided I did not need to be sent to the Psychiatrist like him, mom and sis. But it has not work so far, this time, despair was setting in and it looks like it was never moving away. Dark days indeed my friends. Ending it has occured to me, so many times, and the car and Malaysian Highways always a temptation. But God made me stronger than those dark callings, and He in His mysterious ways sent me on my way to salvation, Alhamdulillah!
Well there’s no better way than telling you my journey into Knighthood addiction then relating it from the beginning to end. So here goes the story in five parts:
Part 1 – FB Virgin
I have not been online faithfully ever since I graduated my MA in English Literature; I only check my email once a month. There was once an email from my dad inviting me to Facebook, since my workplace block almost every site except Yahoo Mail and few other uninteresting site, I did not answer that invite. But not long after that, a colleague taught me how to bypass the block so when my darling younger sister invited me to Facebook I accepted. I remember back then my friend list was pitiful, it was my sister and a fan of my father and old school friend who found me because I have such a unique name.
Part 1 (a) – The Origin of My Name
So as an aside let me first tell you a little story about my name. If you looked at my vassal list you will see 2 of my vassals having the same name as I do, I assure you they are not clones, and those 2 are my younger siblings. My dad’s parent divorced while his mother was pregnant with him, so since he was born he had not met his father, when his mother remarried he was left with his grandparents to be raised. His grandfather was a Chinese miner who was left to die in the jungle of Malaya and was found by a Malay villager who nursed him and goes on to adopt him. My dad’s grandfather was so grateful that he converted into Islam and married one of the Malay girls to look after his adoptive family. So this was the family my Dad grew up in, a Chinese convert grandfather and a midwife grandmother. He only met his father when he was 32 and his mother occasionally when she comes and visit him every month.
Why am I telling you this, well it is the reason why my name is a combination of my father’s name – Yassin – and his father’s name – Salleh – Yasleh. For a boy who grew up with no sense of a normal family and what more a boy with a poet’s heart, when he had a family he wanted something to symbolized the bond that he felt was nonexistent with his father and at the same time honor his Chinese heritage, so he created a family name out of the combination of his name and his father’s name and vow that each of his children’s first name will be Yasleh and like the Chinese it will be followed by 2 more names. So that is why, I am called Yasleh Rita Ayu, my sister Yasleh Hani Wati, and my baby brother Yasleh Khaliff Amri.
Part 2 - Stumbling onto Knighthood.
Ok, my sister Hani loves to play games, so she will be sending me all this invites and me being the nice older sister will always accept, but the thing is I was so busy with taking care of my students, writing exam paper and marking them that I did not bother to learn to play any of them. It was not until I went on study leave for my PhD did I really pay attention to my FB, by this time my friend list has grown to include almost all my graduating class of high school and colleagues and of course my beloved students .
I was bored and frustrated with my thesis proposal one day and decided to play around FB, I was wondering how my sister search for all these games so there I was a Facebook virgin trying to figure out how to go around its pages and I don’t know how I stumbled onto Knighthood, it sounds cool so I applied the application but then it scared me silly by all the strange things it asked me to do so I left it and figure it’ll be like all the games my sister asked me to play but never had.
Part 3 – Playing Knighthood again – The Clueless first few days!
So what happened was my sister was tired with me ignoring the games she sent me. So she sat me down started tutoring me on the mechanics of FB apps. Soon I was an addict of Farm Town and then she sent me an invite to School of Magic (SOM) and angrily asking why I did not invite her to play Knighthood because she saw that I have applied it in some list or others. My success with Farm Town and SOM made me want to try KH again. I have always been a King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table groupie and I love Tamora Pierce series about Tortall, so, I timidly found my way back to KH. The mistake was thinking this was like other FB games and not reading the Get Help section, the tutorial suck. It does not tell you exactly how it will be just things that if you browse around you will get. So you must remember I am now a SOM warrior, I got through 20 levels in one day with lots of kills and wins. So there I was recruiting like crazy and building what they told me to build, and if you must remember my FB friends are all FB virgins like me, so most of my friends accepted my invite. One of the first that accepted was my classmate from school, (my best friend used to have a crush on him and I was their messenger) so you could say I was quite close with him when we were in school, but I have not talked to him or even met up with him since we were 17, and that was what? Oh about 16 years ago.
As expected, I was soon thrown into war; I loved it, so there I was learning how to battle thinking that it will be like SOM that battling will not bring any harm except maybe losing some health points and gold. Ooh, was I wrong. So there I was raiding like there was no tomorrow, and then left my realm unknowingly to the dangers of KH War Moders.
Part 4 – The luckiest day of my life in KH
It so happen, after leaving my Kingdom in war mode, I couldn’t play FB or be online for that matter for nearly 3 days I think. I did not think anything of it. There was nothing urgent that I need to go back to, or so I thought. So after three busy days I finally was able to take a breather and check up on my games on FB. Well you could say, I got the biggest surprise of my life when I went to my KH account. Suddenly, I see that I have a liege, and I said HUH? And there was this long letter explaining what happened to me. So there I was looking at this smiling black and white picture of young looking man and wondering who the hell you are? He was politely telling me stuff that I have to do to be safe in the game and telling me that I have lost one of my friends and that he will help me get my Knight Hambali back. While reading this I was thinking, what the heck have I gotten myself into, what kind of game is this? Should I answer this person?
He seems harmless enough, so I wrote back, and that was the beginning of a long chain of messages going back and forth. I guess the day I was conquered and gifted to then Count Johannes was one of the luckiest day of my life in KH. Why? Well, this was a game that I could not figure out on my own and I desperately needed help and I was innocent and naïve enough not to know where or whom to ask. So I guess I owe my present in KH now to that conqueror, of which I don’t recall who, because back then I didn’t even know how to get a Steward let alone understand what the ActLog was telling me.
What made it more special, was the co-vassal friends that gave me a really warm welcome, and showering me with gifts, and there I was a newbie with wonder in my eyes looking around and not believing how lucky I was to encompassed by this warm and friendly atmosphere where everyone seems to be happy to help and willing to extend their hand in friendship, this more than anything made this game addictive to me. I love the sense of community and camaraderie that can be found here. So what could be look upon as bad luck by other people, that is being conquered and all, I consider one of the luckiest thing to have happened to me. I thank God, for leading me here, because I had the chance to meet and make friends with so many beautiful people with beautiful hearts.
Part 5 – The Tale of My Lost Knight
To be honest till this day I am not really sure, how I lost my knight Hambali. All I know was after being absent for three days from FB, when I logged in back into KH, I was already conquered and Knight Hambali is gone. Let me recap, after building and recruiting I also found the attack button, so I happily when attacking people left and right. And then I left my realm, not knowing all my Knights and Ladies, Squires and Handmaiden was vulnerable to attacks, all my building I think was size 3 level 0, and I don’t even think I have built my workshop. I have filled up the building with my vassals but with no regard whatsoever what the buildings were for and where I should put my strongest vassals. I actually was enjoying this luxury of not having my friends accepting and me still have the use of them in my game.
So you can imagine the kind of kingdom I left to the mercy of KH expert war-mode warriors. All I know what happened to Knight Hambali was what my new liege told me, “I can help you recover your lost vassal, Knight Hambali, once you're in peace mode already. Because even if he is returned to you while at war, he's in danger of being seized again. “
So my confused brain just followed what my new liege told me to do. I registered my email, got my steward, and disbanded my army and waited for my kingdom to go into peace mode. The next day I received word that I can reclaim Knight Hambali because his captor has gone into peace mode. My liege had kindly pasted the link and all I had to do was click it and I got my knight back. So I was happy and reassured that this stranger really meant it when he said all he wanted to do is to help me learn this game. But I guess my mistake was reclaiming my knight too early, my liege told me to do it immediately, and I, like a good little soldier followed his order, what neither of us realized was I was not yet safe in peace mode. When I reclaimed, I think I had 3/4 hours more to get to peace. So what happened was, Knight Hambali was once again seized, while I was logged off.
What was funny was, I did not even realize that he was taken again from me. It was another message from my new liege that informed me that my poor knight has been stolen from me again. This time he told me, “Knight Hambali must be an attractive Knight for your opponents. :-) Don't worry; I'll help you recover them later. Just focus on growing your kingdom & increasing your knowledge in the game while in peace mode.”
So in my reply to my new liege, I told him that the game was confusing as hell and that I was glad it was my old friend that was captured and not any of my students, because then I would have felt really guilty and worried. When Count Johannes heard that I can contact Knight Hambali directly, he offered to teach me a way to get Knight Hambali back faster. I agreed and in my rush I forgot to set my message to private. This was my first exposure to the kindness of Count Johannes Vassal Friends. Not long after telling my new liege that I would like to have the notes on how to tell my friend how to abandon/rebel from his captor, I received welcoming and encouraging message from a lot of his VFs, the first few among them were VC Tracy and VC Kramer. I cannot tell how much it meant to me to have so many people, strangers all, extending their hand in friendship and supporting with so much warmth and kindness that it made me feel so accepted and that asuured me I am meant to be in this strange realm. It made me feel that at least I belong somewhere now and not so lost and alone.
So with all the knowledge that my liege has supplied me, I wrote to my friend to his FB inbox. What happened was that my messages to my friend when unanswered week after week. I didn’t know it at the time, but my friend actually was in an accident and therefore was not on FB for nearly 2 months. So day by day I grew frantically worried, I checked on him every day I was on KH, and one day I noticed that his captor had sold him (his captor was a baron) to a count. I lost heart and did not know what else to do, because if it was possible for my friend to rebel from a baron, I didn’t know how possible it is for him to rebel from a count. Sadly I told my liege that I think I have lost my knight forever. My liege patiently answered that I must be patient and that one day Knight Hambali will come back to me.
So I went on my daily task now of building up my little kingdom, bullying my siblings to play, begging my friends to accept my invite and basically enjoying myself in this virtual world that is fast becoming an obsession. But always, in the back of my mind, I worry for my lost knight.
As I grow, I asked my liege whether I could go to war, and he says I looked like I am better at peace mode. The reason I asked was that, I wanted a way to get my lost knight back somehow, and deep in my hearts of hearts, something tells me the way is through war mode. I know why my liege thinks I am not equipped enough to go to war, but what my liege does not know was, that I could be really stubborn when people tell me no. So I talked to my sister and asked if she is willing to go to war for me. Since she only has one lady and the rest are Squires and Handmaidens and her building is almost all 5/4, I think she would be perfect for both of us to learn to go to war. So I asked permission from my liege whether my sister and I could learn War Mode together using her account, and he approves. So after preparing her defenses as best we could, and sending her Lady to safety with me, my sister and I went raiding away for gold, learning the whys and wherefores of War Mode in KH. Soon my liege was telling us to start learning to seize SQs, and we were quite successful. As luck would have it, one SQ turned into a knight while still in my sister’s tower. My sister called me in panic, asking me what to do now. I of course turned to the other person I trust to have the answer, my new friend, my liege – now Marquis Johannes. He calmly told me to sell or send the knight up to my kingdom. But looking at the new knight, I had an attacked of conscience, it was only a 13 year old kid, my brother’s age, how can I sell him, and even the thought of sending a message to him makes me feel uncomfortable, feels like a predator swooping in.
(4)
So in my confusion, I voiced my doubts to my friend, and he responded of course as my liege. It was short but the message was clear and brutal -Why am I having an attack of conscience when it is just the nature of the game and it seems to him I don’t even care about my own lost knight, and it is utterly hypocritical of me to worry about this unknown boy? - I can’t tell you how it hurt, to receive that kind of response. Just because I am the kind that won’t show people that I am affected in any way by what that have been done to me,(hurt me all you want, but I won’t give you the satisfaction of seeing my reaction), does not mean I do not feel anything. When he said simply “Remember Knight Hambali, if you are really kind get him back, instead of worrying about this stranger. Trade him for your lost knight and you’ll show that you are really with honor!”
Well I do not need to tell you that it hurts having my friend chastise me for normal doubts, but what he said, puts me to thinking, maybe there’s another way out of this mess, trade, yes, now I have something of my own to do with however I chose, but still I have to see what kind of person this liege of my lost knight. So I went to look at Hambali’s liege, and I was reading his message board to get a sense of the kind of person he was, he seems to be kind and young enough not to scare a 13 year old boy. So I decided to write him and offer to trade him my sister’s seized knight with my friend Knight Hambali. Long story short, the Count agreed and we traded and in the end my long lost knight is safely home in my kingdom again. Welcome home Knight Hambali! May be now I can convince you to play properly, well having my friend as my zombie knight is much better than having lost him to the voids of KH. I also hope that young Knight Ryan is well taken care of. Thank you Count Cory, for being an understanding and a nice person. And thank you God for guiding me to my liege, he helped me steer through this strange game with as much skill and dedication anyone could ask of a new friend!
-The End-
What has finally brought me out of my despair? Well those who know me well will not be surprised by this revelation. The answer my friends – it’s a game. Before this whenever depression hit me I have always been able to keep it at bay by reading that is why I always have a book by my side, it is my medication, the one denied me when Daddy decided I did not need to be sent to the Psychiatrist like him, mom and sis. But it has not work so far, this time, despair was setting in and it looks like it was never moving away. Dark days indeed my friends. Ending it has occured to me, so many times, and the car and Malaysian Highways always a temptation. But God made me stronger than those dark callings, and He in His mysterious ways sent me on my way to salvation, Alhamdulillah!
Well there’s no better way than telling you my journey into Knighthood addiction then relating it from the beginning to end. So here goes the story in five parts:
Part 1 – FB Virgin
I have not been online faithfully ever since I graduated my MA in English Literature; I only check my email once a month. There was once an email from my dad inviting me to Facebook, since my workplace block almost every site except Yahoo Mail and few other uninteresting site, I did not answer that invite. But not long after that, a colleague taught me how to bypass the block so when my darling younger sister invited me to Facebook I accepted. I remember back then my friend list was pitiful, it was my sister and a fan of my father and old school friend who found me because I have such a unique name.
Part 1 (a) – The Origin of My Name
So as an aside let me first tell you a little story about my name. If you looked at my vassal list you will see 2 of my vassals having the same name as I do, I assure you they are not clones, and those 2 are my younger siblings. My dad’s parent divorced while his mother was pregnant with him, so since he was born he had not met his father, when his mother remarried he was left with his grandparents to be raised. His grandfather was a Chinese miner who was left to die in the jungle of Malaya and was found by a Malay villager who nursed him and goes on to adopt him. My dad’s grandfather was so grateful that he converted into Islam and married one of the Malay girls to look after his adoptive family. So this was the family my Dad grew up in, a Chinese convert grandfather and a midwife grandmother. He only met his father when he was 32 and his mother occasionally when she comes and visit him every month.
Why am I telling you this, well it is the reason why my name is a combination of my father’s name – Yassin – and his father’s name – Salleh – Yasleh. For a boy who grew up with no sense of a normal family and what more a boy with a poet’s heart, when he had a family he wanted something to symbolized the bond that he felt was nonexistent with his father and at the same time honor his Chinese heritage, so he created a family name out of the combination of his name and his father’s name and vow that each of his children’s first name will be Yasleh and like the Chinese it will be followed by 2 more names. So that is why, I am called Yasleh Rita Ayu, my sister Yasleh Hani Wati, and my baby brother Yasleh Khaliff Amri.
Part 2 - Stumbling onto Knighthood.
Ok, my sister Hani loves to play games, so she will be sending me all this invites and me being the nice older sister will always accept, but the thing is I was so busy with taking care of my students, writing exam paper and marking them that I did not bother to learn to play any of them. It was not until I went on study leave for my PhD did I really pay attention to my FB, by this time my friend list has grown to include almost all my graduating class of high school and colleagues and of course my beloved students .
I was bored and frustrated with my thesis proposal one day and decided to play around FB, I was wondering how my sister search for all these games so there I was a Facebook virgin trying to figure out how to go around its pages and I don’t know how I stumbled onto Knighthood, it sounds cool so I applied the application but then it scared me silly by all the strange things it asked me to do so I left it and figure it’ll be like all the games my sister asked me to play but never had.
Part 3 – Playing Knighthood again – The Clueless first few days!
So what happened was my sister was tired with me ignoring the games she sent me. So she sat me down started tutoring me on the mechanics of FB apps. Soon I was an addict of Farm Town and then she sent me an invite to School of Magic (SOM) and angrily asking why I did not invite her to play Knighthood because she saw that I have applied it in some list or others. My success with Farm Town and SOM made me want to try KH again. I have always been a King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table groupie and I love Tamora Pierce series about Tortall, so, I timidly found my way back to KH. The mistake was thinking this was like other FB games and not reading the Get Help section, the tutorial suck. It does not tell you exactly how it will be just things that if you browse around you will get. So you must remember I am now a SOM warrior, I got through 20 levels in one day with lots of kills and wins. So there I was recruiting like crazy and building what they told me to build, and if you must remember my FB friends are all FB virgins like me, so most of my friends accepted my invite. One of the first that accepted was my classmate from school, (my best friend used to have a crush on him and I was their messenger) so you could say I was quite close with him when we were in school, but I have not talked to him or even met up with him since we were 17, and that was what? Oh about 16 years ago.
As expected, I was soon thrown into war; I loved it, so there I was learning how to battle thinking that it will be like SOM that battling will not bring any harm except maybe losing some health points and gold. Ooh, was I wrong. So there I was raiding like there was no tomorrow, and then left my realm unknowingly to the dangers of KH War Moders.
Part 4 – The luckiest day of my life in KH
It so happen, after leaving my Kingdom in war mode, I couldn’t play FB or be online for that matter for nearly 3 days I think. I did not think anything of it. There was nothing urgent that I need to go back to, or so I thought. So after three busy days I finally was able to take a breather and check up on my games on FB. Well you could say, I got the biggest surprise of my life when I went to my KH account. Suddenly, I see that I have a liege, and I said HUH? And there was this long letter explaining what happened to me. So there I was looking at this smiling black and white picture of young looking man and wondering who the hell you are? He was politely telling me stuff that I have to do to be safe in the game and telling me that I have lost one of my friends and that he will help me get my Knight Hambali back. While reading this I was thinking, what the heck have I gotten myself into, what kind of game is this? Should I answer this person?
He seems harmless enough, so I wrote back, and that was the beginning of a long chain of messages going back and forth. I guess the day I was conquered and gifted to then Count Johannes was one of the luckiest day of my life in KH. Why? Well, this was a game that I could not figure out on my own and I desperately needed help and I was innocent and naïve enough not to know where or whom to ask. So I guess I owe my present in KH now to that conqueror, of which I don’t recall who, because back then I didn’t even know how to get a Steward let alone understand what the ActLog was telling me.
What made it more special, was the co-vassal friends that gave me a really warm welcome, and showering me with gifts, and there I was a newbie with wonder in my eyes looking around and not believing how lucky I was to encompassed by this warm and friendly atmosphere where everyone seems to be happy to help and willing to extend their hand in friendship, this more than anything made this game addictive to me. I love the sense of community and camaraderie that can be found here. So what could be look upon as bad luck by other people, that is being conquered and all, I consider one of the luckiest thing to have happened to me. I thank God, for leading me here, because I had the chance to meet and make friends with so many beautiful people with beautiful hearts.
Part 5 – The Tale of My Lost Knight
(1)
To be honest till this day I am not really sure, how I lost my knight Hambali. All I know was after being absent for three days from FB, when I logged in back into KH, I was already conquered and Knight Hambali is gone. Let me recap, after building and recruiting I also found the attack button, so I happily when attacking people left and right. And then I left my realm, not knowing all my Knights and Ladies, Squires and Handmaiden was vulnerable to attacks, all my building I think was size 3 level 0, and I don’t even think I have built my workshop. I have filled up the building with my vassals but with no regard whatsoever what the buildings were for and where I should put my strongest vassals. I actually was enjoying this luxury of not having my friends accepting and me still have the use of them in my game.
So you can imagine the kind of kingdom I left to the mercy of KH expert war-mode warriors. All I know what happened to Knight Hambali was what my new liege told me, “I can help you recover your lost vassal, Knight Hambali, once you're in peace mode already. Because even if he is returned to you while at war, he's in danger of being seized again. “
So my confused brain just followed what my new liege told me to do. I registered my email, got my steward, and disbanded my army and waited for my kingdom to go into peace mode. The next day I received word that I can reclaim Knight Hambali because his captor has gone into peace mode. My liege had kindly pasted the link and all I had to do was click it and I got my knight back. So I was happy and reassured that this stranger really meant it when he said all he wanted to do is to help me learn this game. But I guess my mistake was reclaiming my knight too early, my liege told me to do it immediately, and I, like a good little soldier followed his order, what neither of us realized was I was not yet safe in peace mode. When I reclaimed, I think I had 3/4 hours more to get to peace. So what happened was, Knight Hambali was once again seized, while I was logged off.
(2)
What was funny was, I did not even realize that he was taken again from me. It was another message from my new liege that informed me that my poor knight has been stolen from me again. This time he told me, “Knight Hambali must be an attractive Knight for your opponents. :-) Don't worry; I'll help you recover them later. Just focus on growing your kingdom & increasing your knowledge in the game while in peace mode.”
So in my reply to my new liege, I told him that the game was confusing as hell and that I was glad it was my old friend that was captured and not any of my students, because then I would have felt really guilty and worried. When Count Johannes heard that I can contact Knight Hambali directly, he offered to teach me a way to get Knight Hambali back faster. I agreed and in my rush I forgot to set my message to private. This was my first exposure to the kindness of Count Johannes Vassal Friends. Not long after telling my new liege that I would like to have the notes on how to tell my friend how to abandon/rebel from his captor, I received welcoming and encouraging message from a lot of his VFs, the first few among them were VC Tracy and VC Kramer. I cannot tell how much it meant to me to have so many people, strangers all, extending their hand in friendship and supporting with so much warmth and kindness that it made me feel so accepted and that asuured me I am meant to be in this strange realm. It made me feel that at least I belong somewhere now and not so lost and alone.
So with all the knowledge that my liege has supplied me, I wrote to my friend to his FB inbox. What happened was that my messages to my friend when unanswered week after week. I didn’t know it at the time, but my friend actually was in an accident and therefore was not on FB for nearly 2 months. So day by day I grew frantically worried, I checked on him every day I was on KH, and one day I noticed that his captor had sold him (his captor was a baron) to a count. I lost heart and did not know what else to do, because if it was possible for my friend to rebel from a baron, I didn’t know how possible it is for him to rebel from a count. Sadly I told my liege that I think I have lost my knight forever. My liege patiently answered that I must be patient and that one day Knight Hambali will come back to me.
(3)
So I went on my daily task now of building up my little kingdom, bullying my siblings to play, begging my friends to accept my invite and basically enjoying myself in this virtual world that is fast becoming an obsession. But always, in the back of my mind, I worry for my lost knight.
As I grow, I asked my liege whether I could go to war, and he says I looked like I am better at peace mode. The reason I asked was that, I wanted a way to get my lost knight back somehow, and deep in my hearts of hearts, something tells me the way is through war mode. I know why my liege thinks I am not equipped enough to go to war, but what my liege does not know was, that I could be really stubborn when people tell me no. So I talked to my sister and asked if she is willing to go to war for me. Since she only has one lady and the rest are Squires and Handmaidens and her building is almost all 5/4, I think she would be perfect for both of us to learn to go to war. So I asked permission from my liege whether my sister and I could learn War Mode together using her account, and he approves. So after preparing her defenses as best we could, and sending her Lady to safety with me, my sister and I went raiding away for gold, learning the whys and wherefores of War Mode in KH. Soon my liege was telling us to start learning to seize SQs, and we were quite successful. As luck would have it, one SQ turned into a knight while still in my sister’s tower. My sister called me in panic, asking me what to do now. I of course turned to the other person I trust to have the answer, my new friend, my liege – now Marquis Johannes. He calmly told me to sell or send the knight up to my kingdom. But looking at the new knight, I had an attacked of conscience, it was only a 13 year old kid, my brother’s age, how can I sell him, and even the thought of sending a message to him makes me feel uncomfortable, feels like a predator swooping in.
(4)
So in my confusion, I voiced my doubts to my friend, and he responded of course as my liege. It was short but the message was clear and brutal -Why am I having an attack of conscience when it is just the nature of the game and it seems to him I don’t even care about my own lost knight, and it is utterly hypocritical of me to worry about this unknown boy? - I can’t tell you how it hurt, to receive that kind of response. Just because I am the kind that won’t show people that I am affected in any way by what that have been done to me,(hurt me all you want, but I won’t give you the satisfaction of seeing my reaction), does not mean I do not feel anything. When he said simply “Remember Knight Hambali, if you are really kind get him back, instead of worrying about this stranger. Trade him for your lost knight and you’ll show that you are really with honor!”
Well I do not need to tell you that it hurts having my friend chastise me for normal doubts, but what he said, puts me to thinking, maybe there’s another way out of this mess, trade, yes, now I have something of my own to do with however I chose, but still I have to see what kind of person this liege of my lost knight. So I went to look at Hambali’s liege, and I was reading his message board to get a sense of the kind of person he was, he seems to be kind and young enough not to scare a 13 year old boy. So I decided to write him and offer to trade him my sister’s seized knight with my friend Knight Hambali. Long story short, the Count agreed and we traded and in the end my long lost knight is safely home in my kingdom again. Welcome home Knight Hambali! May be now I can convince you to play properly, well having my friend as my zombie knight is much better than having lost him to the voids of KH. I also hope that young Knight Ryan is well taken care of. Thank you Count Cory, for being an understanding and a nice person. And thank you God for guiding me to my liege, he helped me steer through this strange game with as much skill and dedication anyone could ask of a new friend!
-The End-
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Toxin Out!
I hate being an emotional sponge. What do I mean? Well I have always been affected by the emotional environment I am in. If other people are happy, I am happy, if they are angry even if it is at someone that has nothing to do with me I am angry too, if they are tense then I am tense, you get the picture. It is not only people; the weather also affects me if it is dark and gloomy like it is now then more often than not the dark clouds will be in my head too.
When I am like this not a lot could bring me out of the doldrums, I read a joke and I’ll cry, someone smile at me and I’ll cry, I’ll do that until my emotional sponge has been all wrung out and only then I am able to absorb something else. What I hate most is I am not fit to be in others company when I am like this, be it when I am sad, angry or tense because it is not pretty what I am capable of doing to others. The only time when it is good is when I am exuberantly happy and help other people be happy too.
The worse thing is, when I am like this it brings out the worse self-doubt and feeling of inadequacy in me that could drive a normal person to their knees. I wonder sometime how am I still standing, but these constant fights with my emotions are really draining as I get older. Each time it happens I feel lonelier because as I mentioned I automatically withdraw from contacts by people who loves me so as not to hurt them, but deep inside I know I need someone to be my line to sanity and I just couldn’t decide who or more accurately find that someone who will love me no matter what I do. My biggest nightmare is dragging someone else down with me, so it only leaves me my faith in God’s embrace but am I worthy of being loved anyway!
Well as I said this the place I detoxify, please don’t worry over much about me, these things need to be taken out of my head so I could move on.
When I am like this not a lot could bring me out of the doldrums, I read a joke and I’ll cry, someone smile at me and I’ll cry, I’ll do that until my emotional sponge has been all wrung out and only then I am able to absorb something else. What I hate most is I am not fit to be in others company when I am like this, be it when I am sad, angry or tense because it is not pretty what I am capable of doing to others. The only time when it is good is when I am exuberantly happy and help other people be happy too.
The worse thing is, when I am like this it brings out the worse self-doubt and feeling of inadequacy in me that could drive a normal person to their knees. I wonder sometime how am I still standing, but these constant fights with my emotions are really draining as I get older. Each time it happens I feel lonelier because as I mentioned I automatically withdraw from contacts by people who loves me so as not to hurt them, but deep inside I know I need someone to be my line to sanity and I just couldn’t decide who or more accurately find that someone who will love me no matter what I do. My biggest nightmare is dragging someone else down with me, so it only leaves me my faith in God’s embrace but am I worthy of being loved anyway!
Well as I said this the place I detoxify, please don’t worry over much about me, these things need to be taken out of my head so I could move on.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Mother’s Day
I am back to the land of melancholy again. I was happy for a while and that’s always a good sign for my writing because I’ll be really verbose and silly and funny. I have been meaning to write this few days but the melancholia stopped all the creative juices. I was going to talk about my useless trip to the orthopedic clinic and that didn’t get written. I was thinking also to write about how I love my mum for mother’s day and that didn’t happen either. But here goes.
Friends who know me well know that my mother is not well; she actually suffers from chronic schizophrenia and was diagnosed since she was 18. She had me when she was 26. So basically my whole life I’ve seen mum battling her illness so she could raise my siblings and I, to the best of her abilities. I don’t know how she does it that even in the darkest place she has been she had never forgotten that she’s our mum. She is one of the kindest, most caring of mothers that has ever been, and it saddens me that I can’t be the kindest daughter all the time.
People have judged me and most find me wanting, these are people who sees me scolding my mum like the rudest daughter ever seen. What they don’t understand by the time I could take care of myself, I have been taking care of mum when she is sick, imagined a 9 year old trying to cajole her mom not to go out of the house naked. I had been trying to be a mother to my mum more than half of my life. During my younger years Dad was around more to take the slack, but he has to sleep and work sometimes too. Adik has taken the brunt of looking after her as well, but somehow mum just doesn’t like Adik when she is sick. So how would a young daughter takes control of her sick mother? Yes, you guessed it; she had to be the strict controlling mother who sometimes yells. But people from outside looking in thinks this is wrong, your mom should never be treated that way, in a perfect world I guess. But my world has never been perfect, so I deal with it with all the flaws I have been given.
Mummy, please know that every time I had to yell, scold or be mean, that it hurt me deep inside, but I have had no other choices available to me to keep you and everyone else safe. I love you mum and I know you love me too.
Happy mother’s day!
Friends who know me well know that my mother is not well; she actually suffers from chronic schizophrenia and was diagnosed since she was 18. She had me when she was 26. So basically my whole life I’ve seen mum battling her illness so she could raise my siblings and I, to the best of her abilities. I don’t know how she does it that even in the darkest place she has been she had never forgotten that she’s our mum. She is one of the kindest, most caring of mothers that has ever been, and it saddens me that I can’t be the kindest daughter all the time.
People have judged me and most find me wanting, these are people who sees me scolding my mum like the rudest daughter ever seen. What they don’t understand by the time I could take care of myself, I have been taking care of mum when she is sick, imagined a 9 year old trying to cajole her mom not to go out of the house naked. I had been trying to be a mother to my mum more than half of my life. During my younger years Dad was around more to take the slack, but he has to sleep and work sometimes too. Adik has taken the brunt of looking after her as well, but somehow mum just doesn’t like Adik when she is sick. So how would a young daughter takes control of her sick mother? Yes, you guessed it; she had to be the strict controlling mother who sometimes yells. But people from outside looking in thinks this is wrong, your mom should never be treated that way, in a perfect world I guess. But my world has never been perfect, so I deal with it with all the flaws I have been given.
Mummy, please know that every time I had to yell, scold or be mean, that it hurt me deep inside, but I have had no other choices available to me to keep you and everyone else safe. I love you mum and I know you love me too.
Happy mother’s day!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Killer Smile Part 3
My dad is the kind of person who can tell a joke dead pan, and if you don’t know him better, you would think he is serious, and being the writer and film director he is no one can come up with a better story than him on the spot.
It so happened to be that cab driver’s day to be played by Dad. As we entered the cab, the driver was smiling widely at me; I managed to keep a straight face and just ignored him. As we started to move, Dad started to talk, and what he was saying, if I was not trained to not react to whatever outrageous things he like to say, I would have burst out laughing.
Dad was casually talking to us at the back, saying how he likes this tie given to him by my pilot fiancé. You should have seen the face of the driver, the blood drained from his face when he heard that. But that wasn’t enough for Dad, he started to weave this story of how I started meeting and dating and eventually all the plan for the wedding (all this time I was thinking, is that another script you are planning Daddy). Of course throughout all this Daddy dialogue, I had to give appropriate response, so that the guy will buy it, I was proud to say I managed to do it, though I was holding back the biggest giggle anyone have ever known (my stomach hurt big time).
At the end of the ride, I didn’t know who I was sorry for most, the driver or me. The driver because he looked so forlorn and lost, poor guy he picked the wrong girl to messed with. Myself because it hurt big time trying to keep a straight face and not laugh, I didn’t know how the rest of the family stood it as well, cause as soon as the cab left, we were laughing maniacally.
But the best thing was, we never get that driver ever when we call that cab company.
So these 2 incidents are what made me more cautious about smiling to strangers. Hmm, but then again both men were people who drives other people, maybe I should try smiling to other type of men to really test this theory out. On second thought I don’t want any more stalker. I’ll stick to my unsmiling face then.
So unless you’re a friend I won’t be smiling at you. ;)
It so happened to be that cab driver’s day to be played by Dad. As we entered the cab, the driver was smiling widely at me; I managed to keep a straight face and just ignored him. As we started to move, Dad started to talk, and what he was saying, if I was not trained to not react to whatever outrageous things he like to say, I would have burst out laughing.
Dad was casually talking to us at the back, saying how he likes this tie given to him by my pilot fiancé. You should have seen the face of the driver, the blood drained from his face when he heard that. But that wasn’t enough for Dad, he started to weave this story of how I started meeting and dating and eventually all the plan for the wedding (all this time I was thinking, is that another script you are planning Daddy). Of course throughout all this Daddy dialogue, I had to give appropriate response, so that the guy will buy it, I was proud to say I managed to do it, though I was holding back the biggest giggle anyone have ever known (my stomach hurt big time).
At the end of the ride, I didn’t know who I was sorry for most, the driver or me. The driver because he looked so forlorn and lost, poor guy he picked the wrong girl to messed with. Myself because it hurt big time trying to keep a straight face and not laugh, I didn’t know how the rest of the family stood it as well, cause as soon as the cab left, we were laughing maniacally.
But the best thing was, we never get that driver ever when we call that cab company.
So these 2 incidents are what made me more cautious about smiling to strangers. Hmm, but then again both men were people who drives other people, maybe I should try smiling to other type of men to really test this theory out. On second thought I don’t want any more stalker. I’ll stick to my unsmiling face then.
So unless you’re a friend I won’t be smiling at you. ;)
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Killer Smile Part 2
I don’t exactly recall whether this happened before or after the previous mentioned incident. Let’s just say it about a few months after my crazy chauffer guy from uni stalker incident. Daddy had a whole day of running errands planned for us, it just so happened our car was in the workshop so Daddy got me to call a cab and book it for the whole day.
I called our usual cab company because they have very reliable service, and sure enough in ten minutes the cab arrived. So Daddy, Mommy, Abang (who was around 16 months at that time) and I, got in the cab. Dad told the driver that we would like to go to many places around KL and we would need him for a few hours and ask whether he was willing, He turned and look at us at the back, smiled and pleasantly said his time is ours. So we proceed to Bangsar so that Daddy could be fitted for his new suit at his favourite tailor. Since it was quite a busy road, I stayed in the car with Abang, the moment dad and mom left the car the driver turned his attention to cute liitle abang and starts to talked to him. He was so good with Abang that I had to smile (BIG MISTAKE). Once he saw my smile, he stopped talking to abang but more of talking through abang, he started saying would abang like it if he could be friends with abang’s sister and stuff like that, hinting that he would like to get to know me better. I fended of his approach as nicely and politely as I could, but just before dad and mom got back in the car, the driver told me that if I call for taxi I should mention his number and name and he’d come and picked me up whenever. Luckily I was never again left alone with the driver and at the end of the day I was relieved to see him gone. He was creeping me out all the way, constantly checking me out through the rearview mirror or quick hurried glances. I thought that was the end, and I’ve learned not to panic and give my number to strangers.
The next day, we had to go to function in town, this time Adik made the call for the cab, I forgot to tell her to use another company, so she called the same one we used yesterday. To my horror the same driver yesterday came to pick us up. I started to panic; Dad saw and asked what is wrong, so I told him how pushy and inappropriate the driver had been to me yesterday. Daddy said he’ll take care of it.
I was afraid that Daddy will lose his temper and a fight will ensue. But what happened instead is classic daddy caper. He always does the unexpected. What did my dad do to the driver? Find out in the next installment.
I called our usual cab company because they have very reliable service, and sure enough in ten minutes the cab arrived. So Daddy, Mommy, Abang (who was around 16 months at that time) and I, got in the cab. Dad told the driver that we would like to go to many places around KL and we would need him for a few hours and ask whether he was willing, He turned and look at us at the back, smiled and pleasantly said his time is ours. So we proceed to Bangsar so that Daddy could be fitted for his new suit at his favourite tailor. Since it was quite a busy road, I stayed in the car with Abang, the moment dad and mom left the car the driver turned his attention to cute liitle abang and starts to talked to him. He was so good with Abang that I had to smile (BIG MISTAKE). Once he saw my smile, he stopped talking to abang but more of talking through abang, he started saying would abang like it if he could be friends with abang’s sister and stuff like that, hinting that he would like to get to know me better. I fended of his approach as nicely and politely as I could, but just before dad and mom got back in the car, the driver told me that if I call for taxi I should mention his number and name and he’d come and picked me up whenever. Luckily I was never again left alone with the driver and at the end of the day I was relieved to see him gone. He was creeping me out all the way, constantly checking me out through the rearview mirror or quick hurried glances. I thought that was the end, and I’ve learned not to panic and give my number to strangers.
The next day, we had to go to function in town, this time Adik made the call for the cab, I forgot to tell her to use another company, so she called the same one we used yesterday. To my horror the same driver yesterday came to pick us up. I started to panic; Dad saw and asked what is wrong, so I told him how pushy and inappropriate the driver had been to me yesterday. Daddy said he’ll take care of it.
I was afraid that Daddy will lose his temper and a fight will ensue. But what happened instead is classic daddy caper. He always does the unexpected. What did my dad do to the driver? Find out in the next installment.
Killer Smile
I have given up smiling!No really, what I mean is that I've forced myself not to smile at strangers, because it seems my smile seems to have strange effect on certain kind of men.
What do I mean?
Well let me tell you what happened to me once. It happened to me when I was just a fresh young thing in uni. I was on my way back to my room from class one day and I decided to cut through the admin building because it was too hot to walk outside. As I was climbing up the steps, I noticed a guy with a chauffer uniform was cheerfully helping a lady with some boxes, he was so cheerful I couldn't help but smile at the situation. So there I was smilling to myself really about how nice it is to see human kindness and willingness to help others. What I didn't notice was that this guy thought I was smilling at him, and it must have struck him quite powerfully, cause he proceed to follow me from behind. I thought nothing of it, cause the route I was taking is quite popular route taken by staffs and students alike. It was until I almost reach the safety of hostel block building that I noticed that the man was actually following me. I turned and look at him questioningly, wondering whether I dropped anything.
He smiled and started to ask for my name and telephone number, there I was 19 or 20 (i can't recall exactly) looking at this man who could be my father's age and hearing the worse pick up line in my life. I said no, and started to walk faster, he followed faster and grabbed my hand (which creeps me up tremendously) and stopped me from escaping further.
He said that he just wanted to get to know me and maybe call sometime. I panicked. In that panic I stupidly rattled out my number and ran into the safety of my girls' only hostel building.
He kept calling me again and again, even after I was rude to him or simply hang up. Finally I had to ask a guy friend to have a man to man talk with this crazy stalker of mine.
This was not the only incident that convinced me not to use my smile on strangers, but I am too tired to tell the story now. Let's save that for another post cause it is a funnier and a longer story.
ciao.
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