It has been a while since I could write anything. The need
to write is there but it couldn’t get past all the funk my emotions been
playing on me. Life as usual has its ups and downs, but as it is normally goes
the downs is taking a long run and the ups flicker through very fast that I
don’t even noticed it sometimes. I guess that is why I couldn’t write, I hate writing
negative stuffs and if I have to I usually put it into a poem to purge it out,
but even that outlet was denied me this round. Well this past week I of course
been busy with Raya stuff, but even being busy didn’t save me from being down
in the dumps.
Hmm , reading through the first paragraph the next morning,
I figured out why I haven’t been writing, I have nothing to say, nothing of
note or new, it is the same old whine. But I have to break this cycle of
inability to write, so whatever goes I guess.
As it always happen when I am learning to sing a song (since
I am bit tone deaf, it takes me forever) I have been obsessively listening to
Scotty McCreery’s “I Love You this Big”. It is a sweet song of a young boy’s hyperbole
feeling of his first love. The funny thing is it shows how roller-coaster my
emotions have been, because at times I would gush like a teenage girl at the
song, at other times I’d be bawling my eyes out because it makes me miss Phil
so much (Mummy used to tell me I have a way of crying like my mom just died, I
wish you are still around to say that Mum), and at other times I’d be
methodically picking the melody and lyric apart so I could sing it. I am
actually listening to it as I am writing this; it is kind of helping with the
flow of my writing.
The other day as I was telling Phil about this song, I told
him it makes me remember that sometimes we tend to exaggerate stuff in the
midst of feeling things just to get the emotion across and that makes us forget
the reality of it all. When we are happy things tend to be magnificent and when
we are sad things seem to be ‘the end of the world kind of doom’, and it is
very hard to be objective when it is our emotions that are involved. I know I
am rambling and not making sense, but as I said anything goes. :)
I guess that is as far as I can force myself to write,
today. Well at least it is something, I am hoping I’ll get past this, because I
really need to write.
