When I was young whenever I was crying longer than Mummy could stand, she would say I better stop or I would be blind like Kassim Selamat. I would always retort that was just a movie, not a true story. And then she would bring up the story of Ayah Man who is actually blind, and said he cried for two weeks when he was young, and basically I would stop crying because I would need to argue with her on the logic of it all. But if Mummy is still around I would finally have the best argument ever to present to her, “Mummy, this year alone I have cried almost daily, and in this almost nine months of crying I am still not blind!”
I am forty today! And, yes it has been a miserable year for me, actually has been for a while. It has been miserable basically because I haven’t yet been given what I want most in my life. But because of my fascination with dichotomy I have to admit there are parts which were really wonderful. As I have proven with my birthday countdown, that life has actually been really kind to me.
With everything bad that comes along, it is always balanced by something good. For example, yesterday I was so miserable because Phil can’t be here for my fortieth and I didn’t get to go for my planned pre-birthday treat, but come the night I was showered with so much love by the family.
Abang gave me the asked for portrait. He spent six hours just trying to make it right and special. With his carpal tunnel I knew that was six hours of pain. Thank you abang, I love the drawing, though you could have drawn me a little thinner lol.
Adik gave me a sketch book filled with snippets of highlight for each year of my life. It was well thought of and according to my friends and awesome gift from an awesome sister.
Daddy gave me two basketful of all sort of fruits, according to adik he took every fruits on sale in Hero. Thank you Da, I love it.
Phil teased me with a wish and a question, “So what WAS it like to hunt velociraptors? :P ” We haven’t got to talk yet, I hope we would today, but a few days before, he said something so sweet and reminded me how I am loved:
[Friday, 2 September, 2016 7:10 PM] Phil McQuinn: then take this with you my lady I love you I am your man and I will not forsake you. I am yours now until death do us part
So however I am always sad now, I know that I am very fortunate and lucky to have had so many people that love me. I am grateful for everything the Lord have given me, and though I cried and begged all the time to give me what I want, I know and accept that He has his own timetable and His plans are usually for the best.
Happy Fortieth Birthday to me!