When I went to visit Mummy at the ICU a day after we sent her to the Emergency Department, she groggily asked me if I was married. Mum had been after me to get married since I was 30 maybe, I can’t remember, she wasn’t pushy about it, just a statement now and again for me to find someone and get married. I will be forty tomorrow and I am still not married. I came close though this year but fate seem to say not yet. I found somebody to love and love me more than I deserve, but we have hit so many obstacles to being together that I wonder at times if God would ever let us have what we want most, that is to be together in one place and able to walk hand in hand to the end of our journey on earth.
At 30 I decided I will have to continue on my journey alone, because I couldn’t seem to find anyone I wanted to give my hand to. At 32 I started feeling lonely, and wondered what was wrong with me that I couldn’t seem to open myself up to anyone. At 33 I begged the lord for a companion for my journey because I was so lonely and he answered it by showing me what I was looking for might be farther than I can think of. He let me know my soul mate as slowly and gently as I needed to be able to let down the walls I had built.
It has been wonderful having Phil in my life. His love completes me and made me a stronger person, but to be his wife and be able to live our life together is a dream that I so wish could come true. As I turn 40 tomorrow it makes me really sad that this dream has not come true.