I miss you Mummy 6

After having almost a very good run at writing, I faced a block again, as I told my sister, now it is even worse, I no longer stare at a blank Words page, I stare at the pc wallpaper, meaning I can’t even go past the block of intending to write, but after going through a really bad few days emotion wise, I think I need to unload. I have decided my emotional roller-coaster these few days can be put down oestrogen overload because some other familiar symptoms came along with the non-stop crying and being very testy and grumpy. Well being hormonal is never very pleasant but getting it while you have reason to be sad is more unpleasant, and I found the emotion overload very difficult to face.

Today I have a hospital appointment, so as I waited for my number to be called for registration, I was reading the electronic board announcement, as I read “The numbers 1000 to 1200 is reserved for the elderly 65 years old and above.” I cried thinking Mom couldn’t even reached that age and she is already gone. See it is not the first time I went to the hospital and reading that statement after Mom died, but today it affected me and it started the tone of the day for me. I can start thinking any random thoughts and it’ll trigger the tears and by 2 p.m. it is getting really old.

Another thing I noticed missing Mom makes missing Phil worse, so I think every day I go about life I am doubling the agony to the point that I can’t be alone because being alone reinforce that feeling of missing something in my life.

I don’t know I am starting to ramble which should be all right actually because I am posting it in my Ramblings, but the teacher and writer in me can’t take that. I wish I could be inspired to write poetry again, but even getting to write this is an accomplishment, one day at a time I guess, I miss you Mummy.