I Miss You Mummy 4

As we were putting away groceries and preparing lunch yesterday, after Daddy and Auntie Jen returned from the market, Auntie commented that we have a lot of salted eggs that we have not cooked, and my mind just suddenly thought of the many times I had to forbid Mom from eating salted eggs and other salty stuff, because I was afraid it would aggravate her hypertension, all I wanted was to prolong her life, but at that moment all I felt was regret that I didn’t let mom enjoy all the food that she love while she was alive. It was hard not to bawl out in front of everyone right there and then.

There are days like that when the weirdest things trigger the tears, it could be seeing Mom’s empty pill box or it could just be a fleeting memory that makes me real sad. I wonder if it will always be that way, Phil keep telling me its normal and the pain will lessen in time, but would that mean I’d forget, Abang asked me a couple of weeks ago, would he forget? He is afraid that he’ll forget Mom, because he says as time passed memories has become a blur and he is afraid the memories would disappear. I just assured him that he’ll never forget the important stuff, things might go fuzzy but his memory of Mummy’s love will always be there. I don’t know, it is tough, I have no idea how to steer everyone including me in this unfamiliar waters, I am just dealing with it, moment by moment, day by day. I have been thinking a lot what to write, the memories been swirling, but again having problem putting it all down, I wish February is here, so I could just talk it out with Phil, I think it’ll be easier talking it out, writing it out all alone is too lonely for me at the moment.

I don’t know, I’ll try again I guess, one of these days soon, because every time I wrote, I feel less tense, it is good for me, but as usual there have to be little pain for the great gain. Till I can write again, I miss you Mummy.