Memories of Getting Lost and another Killer Smile Story

I have been thinking about writing for a few days at least, but it kept fizzling out, either I didn't have the time or I just couldn't get the words down. An incident that happen when Phil and his friends and I were coming back from Wales and trying to find our way back to send Sophia back to her place (for the life of me I can’t recall where, I think it was in Birmingham, but I am not sure) kept playing in my head, urging me to write about it, but as you can see I don’t know where to start.

People who know me well, know that whenever I go somewhere I need to have a very clear idea where the toilets will be, so that I could avoid emergencies. Well we kind of got lost (not that Phil or Gareth would admit to that, they’d say they know exactly where they were) on our way to sending Sophia back and then again on our way to Sheffield after sending Sophia home. So getting lost is not the best time for me to be asking to go to the toilet isn't it? But that was exactly what I did, before I embarrass myself in Phil’s car, I ask if we could find somewhere to stop because I need the toilet.

Phil saw a pub by the side of the road, and parked about 20 metre away, asking Gareth to accompany me (he had to stay in the car, but was worried for me to go into the pub alone), but Sophia said never mind she need to go as well, she’d accompany me.  So there we were happily rushing to the pub and pleasantly finding that the restroom was located near the entrance without even having to go into the pub (yeah, we don’t have to buy anything).

As we were going out back to the car, three guys was coming into the pub, and there I was so relieved  it was so easy to get to the toilet that I was smiling happily until I was reminded yet again that I should never smile at strangers (Killer Smile part 1, part 2, part 3). One of the guys did a double take as he looked at us coming out of the toilet and heading out ( I think the double take was for Sophia who look like the cutest china doll, and could probably be at my wide smile as well, who knows) , and cheerfully ask us to join him and his friend for a drink.  He was totally not taking no for an answer, it took both Sophia and my cheerful no several times and his friends tugging him away to extricate ourselves back to the car.  Thinking about it back the guy was really nice, because at no time did I feel threaten, I just felt flattered, unlike the other times when my smile got me in trouble.

Sophia and me!

I Won't Give Up Personalized

I have been listening to Jason Mraz’s “I Won’t Give Up” all morning, trying to bolster my spirit. As I listened, it reminded me of when I link Phil this song, telling him this song reminds me a lot about us and gives me the courage to go on. I can’t recall exactly what he said, tried to look through old Skype conversation, but was just too daunting searching through months of conversation, so going to do it through my faulty memory (forgive me Hun, if I don’t get it exactly right).

What I recall he said was that the song was OK  but more personalize to the person singing, rather than applied to us directly, he then linked me The Wanted “Glad You Came”, and said that fit how we met perfectly. Well I won’t deny that, but what moves me to write today (and I am like so happy, I can write) is when I heard the song, I was like why didn't Phil get it, this part describes exactly how I feel, and a light bulb flash in my head, maybe I need to write an analysis of the song’s lyric and point out to Phil the relevant connection.

I know I’d be embarrassed about some stuff I am revealing here, but been too long since I could write more than a few sentence, so what the heck, I’d give it a go. So here goes.

When I was first getting to know Phil, I love looking at his eyes, there’s a particular picture he has on his Facebook that I’d stare at for hours on end. 

And when he came for the first time to visit me here in Malaysia, I remember when we sit having coffee or something, we’d be staring at each other’s eyes saying nothing for a long time it seems.It was hard to describe why I’d do that until I heard the first stanza of the song:

When I look into your eyes

It's like watching the night sky

Or a beautiful sunrise

There's so much they hold

And just like them old stars

I see that you've come so far

To be right where you are

How old is your soul?

The chorus should be self-explanatory I think, but let me state the obvious, I won’t give up however rough it gets for us. :)

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

This next stanza brought a smile to my face just because it brought to mind how silly I can be. There are periods when Phil would go AWOL on me, meaning he won’t be reachable through Skype or phone, he tells me not to worry, he just needs some space to do what he has to do, I worry of course, and sometimes gets upset, but this stanza calms me down and reminds me it’s OK, he’ll be back soon and tell me stuff he has done or learned.

And when you're needing your space

To do some navigating

I'll be here patiently waiting

To see what you find

And when there’s time I falter and feel like a failure and Phil’s not around to bolster my spirit this stanza gives me the strength to go on.

'Cause even the stars they burn

Some even fall to the earth

We've got a lot to learn

God knows we're worth it

No: I won't give up

Actually the rest of the song give me that courage to go on in anything I do, not just specifically applying to Phil and I, but also to my life. That will to go on despite hardship and learning to handle what life throws at you and understanding who I am.

 I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily

I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make

Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use

The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake

And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend

For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn

We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in

I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am

Hmm after doing that, I see what Phil is saying, this song is very personal, but since I could personalize each part of it to my own experience I can relate to it very well. Whatever it is, the song helps me get through most of my worst funks and doldrums, so I’ll continue to listen to it and loving it. :)