Songs and I

I am tired of writing about how dark I am feeling nowadays, so as a way to cheer me up I was listening to Lady Antebellum’s Just a Kiss, it reminded me how I felt when Phil came for his first visit. We were both unsure and scared to ruin a real good friendship but the feelings were really strong. As for me, that 2 lines in the chorus, “Just a shot in the dark that you just might/ be the one I’ve been waiting for my whole life,” really described how I was feeling at that time, and explained how despondent I felt when he was real quiet and wasn’t online on Valentine’s day, and like the guy in Vanessa William’s Save the Best for Last, he came on the 15 and ask me if I felt as strongly as he did and if we want to take it further.

The truth is throughout my friendship with Phil, songs played an important part in expressing how I feel, when I was still refusing to believe what I felt for Phil was more than that of a friend, I was singing a lot of Taylor Swift’s You Belong with Me, especially after Phil confess he was having a crush on an acquaintance of ours online (well this was way before he came to visit me, I think I have just known him for about 3 or 4 months about then). But believe you me, whenever I was singing that song I was imagining I was singing it to Phil. Yes adik, I knew how I felt about him then, but I can’t admit it to the world, I still have that much pride, even with you, until I know the feeling was reciprocated I can’t shout it to the world, can’t I?

I have written before how from time to time Phil would link me to songs he is listening to that reminded him of me or of our relationship, so I am not alone in using songs either to express how I feel or to soothe the hurt of being apart. Lately I have been singing Owl City’s Vanilla Twilight, although I know the song is singing about a departed lover, but most of the lyrics echoes how I feel so perfectly. At night when I can’t sleep missing Phil, I’ll sing the first verse as I cry myself to sleep.

The stars lean down to kiss you,
And I lie awake I miss you,
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere,
‘Cause I’ll doze of safe and soundly,
But I’ll miss your arms around me,
I’d send a postcard to you dear,
‘Cause I wish you were here.

(Adam Young, Vanilla Twilight)

Well I guess I am lucky that so many songs seems to apply to so many phases of my life, it helps when I myself ran out of ways and words to describe or express how I feel. So before I start wallowing again I’ll go hear Auburn’s All about Him. (Lol, Phil hates this song, sorry hun I think it’s cute).