It is nine days into the new year, I stopped making resolutions years ago, because if I had continued there’d be too many left undone, I am still trying to fulfill those I made in my youth. Going into the new year wasn’t particularly fun for me, on new year’s eve I was boarding a plane leaving my heart behind yet again. I got to see my family on new year of course, which is a balm but still it was bittersweet. The next day I went on a four hour drive to visit my aunty whose husband just passed away, and that was not fun either. It didn’t help after that not to hear from Phil for nearly a week. Waiting everyday on Skype and not seeing him come on, sending him text after text that went unanswered and leaving messages on his Facebook wall and inbox and having that unanswered, though it was obvious he did go on his Facebook once or twice.
By Saturday I was already a mess, and listening to one depressing songs after another, among them Katy Perry’s ‘The One That Got Away’, didn’t help. The happy thing is Phil finally was on Skype on Sunday telling me how he had problem logging in Skype which just refuse to let go of my ID and let him logged in, and as usual he has no idea where he has put his phone, and I guess he ignored all his FB messages and went straight to what he needs to do. He told me I was being silly, worrying for nothing, and I was like, I love you and not hearing from you a week is something, I wonder how he would feel if I went AWOL for a week. Well the thing is I would never do that to him, so then question is moot.
Now that my worries have been abetted I am still listening to Katy Perry’s song, of course thinking that I never have to sing it for real. But there’s a line in the song got me to thinking. The line where she sang, "All these money can't buy me a time machine (No o o o)”, and it’s true, you can never turn back time to undo or redo stuff in your past. I think after Mum passed away, there was so many times I’d say, “If only…” And there is so many mistakes I would like to do over or decision I’d wish I could change. But Dad and Phil agrees on this matter, what is past is past, deal with the future, don’t question yesterday’s decision, deal with today’s consequences. So I guess that would be my guiding line as I move on to this new year, to look forward while always remembering what I left behind.
