I have always it seems taken the road less traveled by, I never learnt to chose the easier road and go where it takes me, but have a knack in me to turn where I shouldn't or cut through unknown or undiscovered path. It scares me always, it always made me feel like I am making the biggest mistake in my life, but so far it seem I am where I need to be. I am at such junctures again, and I think I have lose my courage to venture forth where no one has gone before. I am stuck there not knowing where to go, scared that any steps I make would be ruinous.
Oh Lord, again I ask for help, strength at least to take that first step and a guide or companion for the rest, I don't know what I have done with my life so far, has it meant anything to anyone, it seems right now I have managed to tangle it pretty badly so far. I know I have not taken anyone's hand or needed to for a long time to travel this lonely road, but right now I am too scared to go forth alone. I have made too many wrong choices alone, I guess I still need some guide, so I guess I'll wait here until I feel someone take my hand, squeeze it to give strength and hand in hand walk this road with me. I am not strong enough anymore to go through this journey alone. Hopefully wherever the road will takes me next will bring some peace to my troubled heart.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
The Soundtrack of a Relationship
It has been nine months or so of our knowing each other, or that is what he tells me, lol, he counted, I didn't. Well it is nine wonderful months, I can tell you that, but it seems in that nine months we have accumulated quite a soundtrack if I ever want to turn this to a movie as teasing friend ask me to do, lol.
It started with a song, or at least a score of a classic song that he says he can hear as he read my knighthood journey in a thread I started on the KH forum. That was how we met, he snidely commenting my thread and then offering his friendship, and ever since that he has taken me on a whirlwind journey of wonder, he has that capacity to have fun whatever he is doing and he is reteaching me that.
As he starts to break down the wall I hold on anyone befriending me, I was protesting all the way. Sis could attest that I won't admit to what I am feeling, she keep trying to say that he is more of a friend, but my scared self would say, no, he is a very good friend. But to deny all my protest, Colbie Callait's song Falling for You keep playing on the radio, reminding my protesting heart how I really feel. Well you can't blame a girl who has been hurt so many time trying to protect her fragile heart, especially when there is no clear indication he likes her that way, lol.
But no denial could interfere when our eyes met,lol. It was like zing, he's the one. But even then, as we were so comfortable with each other, neither of us said a word. We were enjoying being together, but both I guess couldn't find the words or song yet to describe it to each other. I know I was shy, don't know about him, but I guess he was because it took him a day or two after he was home to ask. Even then he was fumbling with the words, lol, so cute.
Then the soundtrack really took of, lol. I kept listening to Train's Hey Soul Sister, and the lyrics " I knew I wouldn't forget you / and so I went and let you / blow my mind / your sweet moon beam / the smell of you in every / single dream i dream / I knew when we collided / you're the one I have decided / who's one of my kind " kind of say what I want to say. I send that to him. And he responded big time, lol. He sent me two songs, saying both remind him of me every time he listen to it. The first song was Dido's Don't Leave Home . When I listen to it, I had goose bumps lol. The song literally describes what I feel, and the chorus made me cry, " If you're cold / I'll keep you warm / If you're low just hold on / Cause I will be your safety / Oh don't leave home " because without asking he know at that moment I really needed to hear that.
The next song was Damien Rice's Cannonball. I'll just paste a bit of the lyric because it speaks for itself, lol.
" There’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
There’s still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
It’s still a little hard to say what's going on
There’s still a little bit of your ghost your witness
There’s still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
That I can´t say what´s going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to lie
Life, it taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
There’s still a little bit of your song in my ear
There’s still a little bit of your words i long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can´t see what´s going on"
And when we talk to each other, especially discussing how we feel, it is smattered with song reference. Like when he told me he is looking for an equal partner and he'll say what he looks for in a relationship is like that line in Coldplay's Viva la Vida, " be my mirror, my sword and shield / my missionaries in a foreign field". And when I complain that he is spending too much time in WoW, I'd just quote Sugarland's Stay, lol. And when he tells me that I don't have to worry anymore and he says, "I'm yours". I can't help but hear Mraz singing that song, lol.
So I guess for nine months that is quite an impressive line of song, lol. What could we chose as our favourite, I guess only time would tell, the only song I wouldn't want to ever be in our soundtrack would be Kelly Clarkson's Already Gone, coz sometimes I fear it would. Well no maudlin thoughts allowed, he would get upset with me, lol. To end, I'd quote my favourite song For Life by Cliff Richard
Where do I start
How do I find
A way to explain how I'm feeling inside
These words could never be enough
To tell you just how much
I love you
With all that I am
And I need you
Please understand
From now on
Till the day that I die
You can be sure
That I'm in this love
For life
Dreams can come true
Just look at us
We've been given a chance from heaven above
With God's help we'll raise a family
And through the years you will see
I love you
More every day
I'll be with you every step of the way
From now on
Till the day that I die
You can be sure
That I'm in this love
For life
As the seasons change
Our love will remain strong
And I promise you
I promise you
I love you
More every day
I'll be with you
In the joy and the pain
From now on
Till the day that I die
You can be sure
That I'm in this love
For life
That I'm in this love
For life
That I'm in this love
For life
It started with a song, or at least a score of a classic song that he says he can hear as he read my knighthood journey in a thread I started on the KH forum. That was how we met, he snidely commenting my thread and then offering his friendship, and ever since that he has taken me on a whirlwind journey of wonder, he has that capacity to have fun whatever he is doing and he is reteaching me that.
As he starts to break down the wall I hold on anyone befriending me, I was protesting all the way. Sis could attest that I won't admit to what I am feeling, she keep trying to say that he is more of a friend, but my scared self would say, no, he is a very good friend. But to deny all my protest, Colbie Callait's song Falling for You keep playing on the radio, reminding my protesting heart how I really feel. Well you can't blame a girl who has been hurt so many time trying to protect her fragile heart, especially when there is no clear indication he likes her that way, lol.
But no denial could interfere when our eyes met,lol. It was like zing, he's the one. But even then, as we were so comfortable with each other, neither of us said a word. We were enjoying being together, but both I guess couldn't find the words or song yet to describe it to each other. I know I was shy, don't know about him, but I guess he was because it took him a day or two after he was home to ask. Even then he was fumbling with the words, lol, so cute.
Then the soundtrack really took of, lol. I kept listening to Train's Hey Soul Sister, and the lyrics " I knew I wouldn't forget you / and so I went and let you / blow my mind / your sweet moon beam / the smell of you in every / single dream i dream / I knew when we collided / you're the one I have decided / who's one of my kind " kind of say what I want to say. I send that to him. And he responded big time, lol. He sent me two songs, saying both remind him of me every time he listen to it. The first song was Dido's Don't Leave Home . When I listen to it, I had goose bumps lol. The song literally describes what I feel, and the chorus made me cry, " If you're cold / I'll keep you warm / If you're low just hold on / Cause I will be your safety / Oh don't leave home " because without asking he know at that moment I really needed to hear that.
The next song was Damien Rice's Cannonball. I'll just paste a bit of the lyric because it speaks for itself, lol.
" There’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
There’s still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
It’s still a little hard to say what's going on
There’s still a little bit of your ghost your witness
There’s still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
That I can´t say what´s going on
Stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to lie
Life, it taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball
There’s still a little bit of your song in my ear
There’s still a little bit of your words i long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can´t see what´s going on"
And when we talk to each other, especially discussing how we feel, it is smattered with song reference. Like when he told me he is looking for an equal partner and he'll say what he looks for in a relationship is like that line in Coldplay's Viva la Vida, " be my mirror, my sword and shield / my missionaries in a foreign field". And when I complain that he is spending too much time in WoW, I'd just quote Sugarland's Stay, lol. And when he tells me that I don't have to worry anymore and he says, "I'm yours". I can't help but hear Mraz singing that song, lol.
So I guess for nine months that is quite an impressive line of song, lol. What could we chose as our favourite, I guess only time would tell, the only song I wouldn't want to ever be in our soundtrack would be Kelly Clarkson's Already Gone, coz sometimes I fear it would. Well no maudlin thoughts allowed, he would get upset with me, lol. To end, I'd quote my favourite song For Life by Cliff Richard
Where do I start
How do I find
A way to explain how I'm feeling inside
These words could never be enough
To tell you just how much
I love you
With all that I am
And I need you
Please understand
From now on
Till the day that I die
You can be sure
That I'm in this love
For life
Dreams can come true
Just look at us
We've been given a chance from heaven above
With God's help we'll raise a family
And through the years you will see
I love you
More every day
I'll be with you every step of the way
From now on
Till the day that I die
You can be sure
That I'm in this love
For life
As the seasons change
Our love will remain strong
And I promise you
I promise you
I love you
More every day
I'll be with you
In the joy and the pain
From now on
Till the day that I die
You can be sure
That I'm in this love
For life
That I'm in this love
For life
That I'm in this love
For life
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Memories of You
I still remember that smile
a quick smile as our glance met,
it still plays in my mind's eye
now that you are so far away,
I miss that smile.
The first time you held my hand,
it felt like you'd never let go,
but of course you did,
you had to go,
and now I miss that connection.
When you held me in your arms,
I felt safe after so long,
I wonder when I'd feel that again,
and as you said
I miss all this little things,
when in actual fact
I miss you
here
with me.
a quick smile as our glance met,
it still plays in my mind's eye
now that you are so far away,
I miss that smile.
The first time you held my hand,
it felt like you'd never let go,
but of course you did,
you had to go,
and now I miss that connection.
When you held me in your arms,
I felt safe after so long,
I wonder when I'd feel that again,
and as you said
I miss all this little things,
when in actual fact
I miss you
here
with me.
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