What has finally brought me out of my despair? Well those who know me well will not be surprised by this revelation. The answer my friends – it’s a game. Before this whenever depression hit me I have always been able to keep it at bay by reading that is why I always have a book by my side, it is my medication, the one denied me when Daddy decided I did not need to be sent to the Psychiatrist like him, mom and sis. But it has not work so far, this time, despair was setting in and it looks like it was never moving away. Dark days indeed my friends. Ending it has occured to me, so many times, and the car and Malaysian Highways always a temptation. But God made me stronger than those dark callings, and He in His mysterious ways sent me on my way to salvation, Alhamdulillah!
Well there’s no better way than telling you my journey into Knighthood addiction then relating it from the beginning to end. So here goes the story in five parts:
Part 1 – FB Virgin
I have not been online faithfully ever since I graduated my MA in English Literature; I only check my email once a month. There was once an email from my dad inviting me to Facebook, since my workplace block almost every site except Yahoo Mail and few other uninteresting site, I did not answer that invite. But not long after that, a colleague taught me how to bypass the block so when my darling younger sister invited me to Facebook I accepted. I remember back then my friend list was pitiful, it was my sister and a fan of my father and old school friend who found me because I have such a unique name.
Part 1 (a) – The Origin of My Name
So as an aside let me first tell you a little story about my name. If you looked at my vassal list you will see 2 of my vassals having the same name as I do, I assure you they are not clones, and those 2 are my younger siblings. My dad’s parent divorced while his mother was pregnant with him, so since he was born he had not met his father, when his mother remarried he was left with his grandparents to be raised. His grandfather was a Chinese miner who was left to die in the jungle of Malaya and was found by a Malay villager who nursed him and goes on to adopt him. My dad’s grandfather was so grateful that he converted into Islam and married one of the Malay girls to look after his adoptive family. So this was the family my Dad grew up in, a Chinese convert grandfather and a midwife grandmother. He only met his father when he was 32 and his mother occasionally when she comes and visit him every month.
Why am I telling you this, well it is the reason why my name is a combination of my father’s name – Yassin – and his father’s name – Salleh – Yasleh. For a boy who grew up with no sense of a normal family and what more a boy with a poet’s heart, when he had a family he wanted something to symbolized the bond that he felt was nonexistent with his father and at the same time honor his Chinese heritage, so he created a family name out of the combination of his name and his father’s name and vow that each of his children’s first name will be Yasleh and like the Chinese it will be followed by 2 more names. So that is why, I am called Yasleh Rita Ayu, my sister Yasleh Hani Wati, and my baby brother Yasleh Khaliff Amri.
Part 2 - Stumbling onto Knighthood.
Ok, my sister Hani loves to play games, so she will be sending me all this invites and me being the nice older sister will always accept, but the thing is I was so busy with taking care of my students, writing exam paper and marking them that I did not bother to learn to play any of them. It was not until I went on study leave for my PhD did I really pay attention to my FB, by this time my friend list has grown to include almost all my graduating class of high school and colleagues and of course my beloved students .
I was bored and frustrated with my thesis proposal one day and decided to play around FB, I was wondering how my sister search for all these games so there I was a Facebook virgin trying to figure out how to go around its pages and I don’t know how I stumbled onto Knighthood, it sounds cool so I applied the application but then it scared me silly by all the strange things it asked me to do so I left it and figure it’ll be like all the games my sister asked me to play but never had.
Part 3 – Playing Knighthood again – The Clueless first few days!
So what happened was my sister was tired with me ignoring the games she sent me. So she sat me down started tutoring me on the mechanics of FB apps. Soon I was an addict of Farm Town and then she sent me an invite to School of Magic (SOM) and angrily asking why I did not invite her to play Knighthood because she saw that I have applied it in some list or others. My success with Farm Town and SOM made me want to try KH again. I have always been a King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table groupie and I love Tamora Pierce series about Tortall, so, I timidly found my way back to KH. The mistake was thinking this was like other FB games and not reading the Get Help section, the tutorial suck. It does not tell you exactly how it will be just things that if you browse around you will get. So you must remember I am now a SOM warrior, I got through 20 levels in one day with lots of kills and wins. So there I was recruiting like crazy and building what they told me to build, and if you must remember my FB friends are all FB virgins like me, so most of my friends accepted my invite. One of the first that accepted was my classmate from school, (my best friend used to have a crush on him and I was their messenger) so you could say I was quite close with him when we were in school, but I have not talked to him or even met up with him since we were 17, and that was what? Oh about 16 years ago.
As expected, I was soon thrown into war; I loved it, so there I was learning how to battle thinking that it will be like SOM that battling will not bring any harm except maybe losing some health points and gold. Ooh, was I wrong. So there I was raiding like there was no tomorrow, and then left my realm unknowingly to the dangers of KH War Moders.
Part 4 – The luckiest day of my life in KH
It so happen, after leaving my Kingdom in war mode, I couldn’t play FB or be online for that matter for nearly 3 days I think. I did not think anything of it. There was nothing urgent that I need to go back to, or so I thought. So after three busy days I finally was able to take a breather and check up on my games on FB. Well you could say, I got the biggest surprise of my life when I went to my KH account. Suddenly, I see that I have a liege, and I said HUH? And there was this long letter explaining what happened to me. So there I was looking at this smiling black and white picture of young looking man and wondering who the hell you are? He was politely telling me stuff that I have to do to be safe in the game and telling me that I have lost one of my friends and that he will help me get my Knight Hambali back. While reading this I was thinking, what the heck have I gotten myself into, what kind of game is this? Should I answer this person?
He seems harmless enough, so I wrote back, and that was the beginning of a long chain of messages going back and forth. I guess the day I was conquered and gifted to then Count Johannes was one of the luckiest day of my life in KH. Why? Well, this was a game that I could not figure out on my own and I desperately needed help and I was innocent and naïve enough not to know where or whom to ask. So I guess I owe my present in KH now to that conqueror, of which I don’t recall who, because back then I didn’t even know how to get a Steward let alone understand what the ActLog was telling me.
What made it more special, was the co-vassal friends that gave me a really warm welcome, and showering me with gifts, and there I was a newbie with wonder in my eyes looking around and not believing how lucky I was to encompassed by this warm and friendly atmosphere where everyone seems to be happy to help and willing to extend their hand in friendship, this more than anything made this game addictive to me. I love the sense of community and camaraderie that can be found here. So what could be look upon as bad luck by other people, that is being conquered and all, I consider one of the luckiest thing to have happened to me. I thank God, for leading me here, because I had the chance to meet and make friends with so many beautiful people with beautiful hearts.
Part 5 – The Tale of My Lost Knight
(1)
To be honest till this day I am not really sure, how I lost my knight Hambali. All I know was after being absent for three days from FB, when I logged in back into KH, I was already conquered and Knight Hambali is gone. Let me recap, after building and recruiting I also found the attack button, so I happily when attacking people left and right. And then I left my realm, not knowing all my Knights and Ladies, Squires and Handmaiden was vulnerable to attacks, all my building I think was size 3 level 0, and I don’t even think I have built my workshop. I have filled up the building with my vassals but with no regard whatsoever what the buildings were for and where I should put my strongest vassals. I actually was enjoying this luxury of not having my friends accepting and me still have the use of them in my game.
So you can imagine the kind of kingdom I left to the mercy of KH expert war-mode warriors. All I know what happened to Knight Hambali was what my new liege told me, “I can help you recover your lost vassal, Knight Hambali, once you're in peace mode already. Because even if he is returned to you while at war, he's in danger of being seized again. “
So my confused brain just followed what my new liege told me to do. I registered my email, got my steward, and disbanded my army and waited for my kingdom to go into peace mode. The next day I received word that I can reclaim Knight Hambali because his captor has gone into peace mode. My liege had kindly pasted the link and all I had to do was click it and I got my knight back. So I was happy and reassured that this stranger really meant it when he said all he wanted to do is to help me learn this game. But I guess my mistake was reclaiming my knight too early, my liege told me to do it immediately, and I, like a good little soldier followed his order, what neither of us realized was I was not yet safe in peace mode. When I reclaimed, I think I had 3/4 hours more to get to peace. So what happened was, Knight Hambali was once again seized, while I was logged off.
(2)
What was funny was, I did not even realize that he was taken again from me. It was another message from my new liege that informed me that my poor knight has been stolen from me again. This time he told me, “Knight Hambali must be an attractive Knight for your opponents. :-) Don't worry; I'll help you recover them later. Just focus on growing your kingdom & increasing your knowledge in the game while in peace mode.”
So in my reply to my new liege, I told him that the game was confusing as hell and that I was glad it was my old friend that was captured and not any of my students, because then I would have felt really guilty and worried. When Count Johannes heard that I can contact Knight Hambali directly, he offered to teach me a way to get Knight Hambali back faster. I agreed and in my rush I forgot to set my message to private. This was my first exposure to the kindness of Count Johannes Vassal Friends. Not long after telling my new liege that I would like to have the notes on how to tell my friend how to abandon/rebel from his captor, I received welcoming and encouraging message from a lot of his VFs, the first few among them were VC Tracy and VC Kramer. I cannot tell how much it meant to me to have so many people, strangers all, extending their hand in friendship and supporting with so much warmth and kindness that it made me feel so accepted and that asuured me I am meant to be in this strange realm. It made me feel that at least I belong somewhere now and not so lost and alone.
So with all the knowledge that my liege has supplied me, I wrote to my friend to his FB inbox. What happened was that my messages to my friend when unanswered week after week. I didn’t know it at the time, but my friend actually was in an accident and therefore was not on FB for nearly 2 months. So day by day I grew frantically worried, I checked on him every day I was on KH, and one day I noticed that his captor had sold him (his captor was a baron) to a count. I lost heart and did not know what else to do, because if it was possible for my friend to rebel from a baron, I didn’t know how possible it is for him to rebel from a count. Sadly I told my liege that I think I have lost my knight forever. My liege patiently answered that I must be patient and that one day Knight Hambali will come back to me.
(3)
So I went on my daily task now of building up my little kingdom, bullying my siblings to play, begging my friends to accept my invite and basically enjoying myself in this virtual world that is fast becoming an obsession. But always, in the back of my mind, I worry for my lost knight.
As I grow, I asked my liege whether I could go to war, and he says I looked like I am better at peace mode. The reason I asked was that, I wanted a way to get my lost knight back somehow, and deep in my hearts of hearts, something tells me the way is through war mode. I know why my liege thinks I am not equipped enough to go to war, but what my liege does not know was, that I could be really stubborn when people tell me no. So I talked to my sister and asked if she is willing to go to war for me. Since she only has one lady and the rest are Squires and Handmaidens and her building is almost all 5/4, I think she would be perfect for both of us to learn to go to war. So I asked permission from my liege whether my sister and I could learn War Mode together using her account, and he approves. So after preparing her defenses as best we could, and sending her Lady to safety with me, my sister and I went raiding away for gold, learning the whys and wherefores of War Mode in KH. Soon my liege was telling us to start learning to seize SQs, and we were quite successful. As luck would have it, one SQ turned into a knight while still in my sister’s tower. My sister called me in panic, asking me what to do now. I of course turned to the other person I trust to have the answer, my new friend, my liege – now Marquis Johannes. He calmly told me to sell or send the knight up to my kingdom. But looking at the new knight, I had an attacked of conscience, it was only a 13 year old kid, my brother’s age, how can I sell him, and even the thought of sending a message to him makes me feel uncomfortable, feels like a predator swooping in.
(4)
So in my confusion, I voiced my doubts to my friend, and he responded of course as my liege. It was short but the message was clear and brutal -Why am I having an attack of conscience when it is just the nature of the game and it seems to him I don’t even care about my own lost knight, and it is utterly hypocritical of me to worry about this unknown boy? - I can’t tell you how it hurt, to receive that kind of response. Just because I am the kind that won’t show people that I am affected in any way by what that have been done to me,(hurt me all you want, but I won’t give you the satisfaction of seeing my reaction), does not mean I do not feel anything. When he said simply “Remember Knight Hambali, if you are really kind get him back, instead of worrying about this stranger. Trade him for your lost knight and you’ll show that you are really with honor!”
Well I do not need to tell you that it hurts having my friend chastise me for normal doubts, but what he said, puts me to thinking, maybe there’s another way out of this mess, trade, yes, now I have something of my own to do with however I chose, but still I have to see what kind of person this liege of my lost knight. So I went to look at Hambali’s liege, and I was reading his message board to get a sense of the kind of person he was, he seems to be kind and young enough not to scare a 13 year old boy. So I decided to write him and offer to trade him my sister’s seized knight with my friend Knight Hambali. Long story short, the Count agreed and we traded and in the end my long lost knight is safely home in my kingdom again. Welcome home Knight Hambali! May be now I can convince you to play properly, well having my friend as my zombie knight is much better than having lost him to the voids of KH. I also hope that young Knight Ryan is well taken care of. Thank you Count Cory, for being an understanding and a nice person. And thank you God for guiding me to my liege, he helped me steer through this strange game with as much skill and dedication anyone could ask of a new friend!
-The End-
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